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My Story, My Sister.

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On February 16, 2008 my only sister June died. I could not have ever imagined how horrific this feels. My sister and I were very close, about 19 months apart in age, and for the most part, treated like twins for the majority of our lives. We were best friends, had the same group of friends, even had classes together in school. June was 27 years old, she died of an accidental overdose/ mixed medication interaction. She had been at a friend's house with her boyfriend and they were drinking a little bit, took a small amount of Oxycontin and she was prescribed to anti depressants (Celexa). Her boyfriend told us that they were all just hanging out and it was late night/very early morning and they all dozed off for awhile. My sister June never woke up. Her boyfriend and their friend woke up a few hours after they had fell asleep and tried to wake her but she was already gone, they called 911 and the paramedics couldn't do anything though they all tried CPR it was just too late.

My sister has a three year old son, who was with his dad for the weekend. My nephew is now living with my mom. It has been so hard to try and explain in three year old baby terms, why mommy isn't here and can't come home.

I feel like, I'm lost, I am my mom's shoulder to lean on and I feel like I need to be strong around her. I'm not comfortable really with bringing up my own feelings much, though I do contribute to conversations when she needs to talk i just try and keep my own thoughts short because I dont know what to say to her to make her feel better. I have a child of my own and I can not imagine how she must feel, but I know I feel like losing my sister feels like... Like if your arm had it's own personality and could talk to you and have it's own life and feelings but still be connected to you, and then someone cut it off! That might sound a bit silly but that's the closest analogy i can think of to describe to friend who ask me how I feel or who say they try to imagine what it must be like. I feel like a huge part of me died with her that night.

I know my grief is still fairly fresh, and I have been through losing my dad also, he died of a stroke in 2002, but losing my sister, my best friend has felt so much worse for me then when I lost my dad. I suppose because I was much closer to her?

I know it's supposed to get easier with time, or at least easier to handle maybe? But I just can't imagine there will be a time where I'm going to say "hey its not so bad as before" My sister June has always been in my life, she's my older sister. We went through being pregnant together, every big moment in our lives we had managed to do together. I just hate that that is over, its SO painful. I am getting married in about a month, I still don't want to believe that she wont be there, it's going to be a hard day even though it's supposed to be wonderful. We are going to include her though, in my own way, June and I shared a best friend that is not blood relation, and she will be my maid of honor now, and in representation of June we're having purple wrist bands with white rose buds on them, purple was her favorite color and June's middle name is Rose. I couldn't think of a better way then that to have her memory with us on my big day.

Gosh I feel like I'm scatter brained and rambling but I've been having a rough few days, this coming Saturday (June 7th) would have been my sister's 28th birthday, I dont know what I'm supposed to do, I feel like i should do something but i'm lost for ideas.

I do want to say Thank You, for this site. I did find it about a week after June died and just reading everyone's posts helped me through the last few months. I felt like no one around me understood what it felt like to be in my shoes, and as morbid as it sounded to me I needed to find people who unfortunately, have been through losing a sibling.

I think one of the biggest things that help people get through the initial first days, weeks and months is knowing you're not alone, that you have somewhere you can share your feelings and people understand where you're coming from and the intenseness of your situation.

If anyone has any advice or recommendations for me personally or how to help my mother, my nephew, and also my older brother with their grief too, I welcome the help. I find myself wanting to help them with their grief but I'm just not sure how to actually be of help to them and my brother is grieving through anger, he's not speaking to our mom, its stressful, i feel like the 'middle man' most of the time because my mom doesn't want to upset him more so she stays away but she's also not trying to distance herself from him anymore then he is making her.

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Molly, dear ~ If anyone wonders what it would be like to lose a sibling, they need only to read your post. I am so very sorry for your loss, and I cannot imagine the depth of your pain.

Your concern for all the other members of your family is understandable, but please know that right now, the best way for you to help them with their grief is for you to take care of your own grief first. I hope you will continue to read the messages posted in this and other forums on this site. See also the resources listed on the Death of a Sibling or Twin page of my Grief Healing Web site. There are other pages there that could be useful to you as well, and I hope you'll take some time to explore them.

As for what to do on your sister's birthday this Saturday, you might find this article helpful, as it offers suggestions for dealing with holidays, birthdays and other special days: Remembering Our Loved Ones on Valentine's Day

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