Dad Dating... Already

[D21613]

My mother died 3 months ago after a long bout with Cancer. After 3 years as caregiver and 47 years as husband, my father is understandably lost, lonely and probably a bit scared.

1 month ago, Dad decided to go on an international trip with the widow of his childhood best friend and her family – just to get away. Now he is ticketing a 1 week cruise for the widow and himself.

Has anyone seen such radical and impulsive behavior from a parent after they lose a spouse? I don’t want to discourage him, but…. 90 days later? His childhood best friend’s widow? Come on!

He is already talking about “not getting married until mom is gone for at least a year”!

I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has been through this type of thing… How do I parent my parent?

HELP

[leeann]

D2

Sorry this is so upsetting. Here I found a post with from a member with a similiar issue. And within this thread Marty posted with more links that might be helpful.

Hope this helps.

Just click on this:

http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=3003

[leeann]

D I found another thread here with more info.. this time from the perspective of the widow or widower and about starting new relationships.

I hope this helps as well.

Just click here:

http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=1872

leeann

[D21613]

leeann

THANK YOU Those threads were really very helpful and informative. I am so very grateful to you for taking the time to find and post those threads.

I haven't cried for the past month... now I can't seem to stop but reading those helped me get an idea of where my dad might be coming from and understand in a way that he just can't explain.

Thank you so very much

N

[leeann]

(((((N))))) Hugs for you and you are most welcome.

I'm hoping your shedding of tears allows your heart to feel a bit lighter.

leeann

PS.. Just in case, you haven't figure it out yet.. this is hard. So don't be too tough on you.

[LoriW]

D2

I can relate so well to what you are going through. My Mom died 2 and a half years ago. She was 62....my Dad was 64 at the time. They had been married 44 years, they were very young when they married. Within several months of her death he was trying to find someone else to love and care for him like my Mom had. His demeanor changed he began doing things I never seen him do in my life, his interests changed. My brothers and I tried to get him to come spend time with us and our families which include his grandchildren, but he avoided us. Within 6 months of my Mom's death he met someone online and began a long distance relationship...he flew cross country and on the year mark of my Mom's death, he was visiting his new friend and called to tell us he was "in love". One month laterm he flew back again and got engaged. He will be married 1 year this August.

This is what hurts.......he has tossed aside anyone who had a meaningful relationship with my Mom......including his 3 children and his grandchildren. He has treated my Mom's family (his inlaws) horribly and done something to my Grandma (his mother-in-law) that is quite shocking. I cannot believe that this is the same man who raised me and taught me about loving people and doing the right thing!!!!! His behavior is that of a complete stranger. I never saw any animosity or disdain for my Mom's family in all the years of their marriage, I know there were annoying things but that is standard in any family. This behavior leaves me and my brothers, as well as friends dumbfounded. He has not spoken to us, his children, in almost a year with the exception of some pretty nasty emails in which he insinuates we are replaceable because his new wife has children and grandchildren as well. He no longer associates himself or talks with any of his old friends he had with my Mom, some he has known for decades.

Believe me when I say I know your fears....I pray your Dad reaches out and finds help. My Dad did not seek any counseling, never really liked to talk about my Mom's sudden death and basically has tried to ease his suffering by finding a replacement so he can feel the same. I'm not sure how this is working out for him as anything familiar to him has to be completely gone. I don't know if things will ever be repaired and that distresses me. I would almost think that after seeing the sudden and unexpected loss of my Mom he would try to live his life differently and value the people who were there in the days...weeks and months after my Mom's death. There's really not much you can do but just hope and pray that he finds his way back.

We're here for you if you need to talk.

Lori