Summer

[shauna marie]

We're not even halfway through July and I'm spent already.

If I hear the sounds of the family behind me having one more BBQ, I just scream. If I hear the sounds of them having another fun time on the deck, I might yell. Even the sounds of silverware clinking plates is getting to me.

I just miss the good old days at times. Having a BBQ on the deck. Enjoying the cool breeze as the sun goes down.

I went to my godfather's last night for a bit. Their daughter and her boyfriend were going back today so I kind of went to get together with them before they went back. Their son was there. I just felt so left out...they really weren't paying much attention to me...I only had MY memories, not theirs. Well, I take it back, I didn't really feel left out, just that I didn't really belong.

But yet, the kicker is they all treat me like a person and with respect. They don't make fun of me. They don't make me feel like dirt.

Maybe I just keep thinking that they feel something different when you belong, when you have a title in the family. Maybe I just don't know how to feel since I never felt it before. I just know that I was so peaceful last night. The most peaceful I think I've been in my entire life.

Just so confusing.

On the flip side, I am actually enjoying summer quite a bit. I'm getting out, doing stuff. I never did that the last three summers, but finally I'm enjoying it to some degree.

[leeann]

Maybe I just keep thinking that they feel something different when you belong, when you have a title in the family.

((((Shauna)))) Hugs. You do belong with and to them. They wouldn't have included you otherwise.

"Titles" in families??? I dunno.. I think they are overated. What is important I have found is the quality of the relationships rather than any titles. And I think you are on your way to building good ones with them.

They may be treading lightly with you so as not to overwhelm you. I am sure they did not intend for you to feel left out. And really.. good relationships take some serious time to develop.. so give them & yourself time and I'm sure you will be feeling much more a part of things there.

And soon enough you will have a whole new set of memories.

Maybe I just don't know how to feel since I never felt it before.

This I think is entirely possible! I agree with you. And this isn't really all that confusing... it's just "new" to you.

Perhaps you have had so much of negative things coming from other relationships you have had in the past that it will take some time to allow yourself to let your guard down a bit and a bit more to allow yourself to be loved.. and loved well. I bet this will lead to even more lovely evenings like you had last night.

I'm so happy that these people are in your life Shauna! And they are blessed to have you too.

So go slowly and be gentle & patient with you and them.

It is an odd experience for you to have.. something new to you. But I bet the emotional investment you and this family make with each other will pay off richly.

leeann