I Still Act Like She Is Living.

[TimesRemembered]

I lost my mom a month ago to a long battle with cancer. Her health started declining once I graduated high school in May and she held on until she saw her first grandchild. She passed away in our home peacefully. She passed away hours after I told her I was going to be okay, dad said she held on for me. Well getting to my point some of the people I hang around have no idea that she past and they'll ask about my mom and I'll say something like she is still here. Someone asked me what my parent's did and I told them about my dad and his situation and how my mom hasn't worked in a while. Is this normal?

[leeann]

Times,

Is there one person among that group of people that you could tell that Mom has passed? If so, I would ask that person to spread the word for you as is it difficult for you to talk about it yet.

Is it normal to feel uncomfortable talking about the recent death of your Mom to someone you aren't real close to yet?? Yeah, I would think so.

Just call one of them before you get together next or pull one of them aside and say 'My Mom passed/died (whatever word you are comfortable with) recently and I'm not comfortable talking about it yet. Could you tell the others for me?'

And I bet.. that person will do that for you.

This way you can still go out with your group and have some time away from the grief work and not worry someone will ask something you aren't comfortable talking about yet.

You may want to just tell the group all at once as well if you feel up to that. But I would then say something like.. "I just wanted you all to know that my Mom passed away recently. Now I would like to have good time so I can take a break from thinking about it."

Or something along those lines.

But it is absolutely normal to feel uncomfortable talking about our lost loved ones with people with don't necessarily know too well in the beginning.

So don't worry.

Let us know how you do.

leeann

And they will probably take you at your word.

[shauna marie]

I think I need clarification about your post.

Do you say she's still here because it's uncomfortable for you to talk about?

or

Do you say it because you find it difficult to admit that you've lost your mom? That can be hard. I don't mean that you physically think she is still here, but it's hard to accept the fact that she's gone and hard to talk about her in the past.

or

Do you just almost "forget"? BTW, I do that, still after almost three years. I'll be shopping or waiting for the bus or something and think of something that I need to tell her and that I have to call her.

Take care, what you experience, no matter the situation, it's normal.

Shauna

[AnnC]

I find it's quite normal to sometimes speak of a loved one who has died in the present tense, especially if the loss is very recent, as in your case.

Just yesterday, I spoke to a friend about my dad in the present tense as if he were still alive: "Dad likes to do that", although he died 20 months ago.

Ann

[MariahC]

Hi TR,

You asked "Is this normal?"

I think so yes, given how recently your mom passed. I think that losing a parent (someone who has been in our lives since year 0) is really difficult to process in our own minds. You may notice that now your mom has passed it feels like more people are suddenly asking after her.

From what you've said I don't think you are ready to talk about it yet. People don't realize how you're put on the spot when they ask and you then have the added pressure of having to tell them about it - before you've even processed what's happened yourself. I think leeann's advice, with regards to confiding in someone you are comfortable with, might be the best way forward. They can then inform other people for you - that way you won't have to answer painful and difficult questions that people may ask.

Take care.

M.