An Update

[shauna marie]

Wow, haven't been here in so long. Just needed a break from the grief thing.

Well, the mystery of my "bladder infections" has finally been answered. It's the medications that I'm on. They aren't causing bladder infections, but rather bladder infection-like symptoms. They are also causing my mania to be much worse, the sleeplessness, the nightmares, and the excessive sweating. I also think they are possibly causing all of my ear problems. My ears keep filling up with wax over a very short period of time. One of the side effects of the medication is ringing in the ears, so am thinking it's possibly the medications. I have started to cut them back and will be off them very shortly.

I'm moving on Wednesday to the city, about an hour away. I am pretty excited about it. But it just sucks, I want to pick up the phone to call my mom and tell her all of my new plans. I want to tell her about the great apartment, how I think I have a job, etc. Every time something exciting happens in my life it's the first thing I want to do. I am moving with my brother, but I think it'll be ok.

I won't be spending Christmas with my godfather this year. Has nothing to do with my move though. His daughter just got engaged and bought a house, so she wants to spend Christmas at home with her fiancee. You bet I'm not happy about it and am majorly sooking. However, I'm ok with it. I know it's more important for my godfather and his wife to be with their kids on Christmas morning. And the more I go over things in my head, the more ok I am with it. I'd rather be the one who loses out and not them. Their daughter has only spent one out of I think, four (five?), Christmases with her fiancee. So if she is to come here, she wouldn't be spending it with him. If my godfather and his wife weren't to go there, then they would lose out and I know that in the scheme of things I'll get over not seeing them on Christmas morning. I am sure that it would take a lot longer for them. And if something was to happen to one of them...then I'd feel guilty for wishing otherwise.

But I can still sook, right? And I know his daughter gave up FL last year so that I could go. So I really, really am ok with it all. I'd also be the first to kidnap my godfather and his wife and put them on the plane, I know it's importance. Learned all about not spending the last Christmas with a loved one.

But it's ok that I sook, right?

Shauna

[leeann]

Oh how exciting a move for you Shauna!

Hope it went well today. So glad you will be with your brother too.

I bet Mom is watching over everything and is excited for you as well. But I know... nothing like picking up the phone to share good exciting news. I miss that too.

Glad to hear also that you seeme to have solved the mysterious bladder infections. Hope you are backing off of the meds with a Doc's guidance. They can tell you how to do it properly to allay or at least lessen any withdrawal symptoms.

Do you have any word on the new job yet? That would really be great.

And what do you think you and your brother will do for the holidays?... any ideas yet?

Keep us posted when you get settled in.

leeann

[shauna marie]

(((((leeann)))))

Thanks for your reply.

Not sure what we're doing for Christmas. Probably just spend the day quietly. I've kind of gotten over the whole godfather thing; at least the only reason I'm not spending it with him is because he's going away and not because he's dead.

I am getting off the medications as directed by my doctor. It actually wouldn't have mattered if it was directed or not, I had no choice. There were so many "habits" that I had with the stupid medication.

One, I couldn't sleep. Now cold medications would often make me drowsy enough to get a few winks. I also could get them dirt cheap at my godfather's pharmacy. When I didn't have money, I would charge them. I ended up with a balance of like $1,300. I was there every single day charging one and two boxes per day. I did stop charging though, my balance is down to like $256. So when I couldn't charge, I'd still get them. I'd literally, well, steal them if you want honesty. Like up to two boxes a day. I'd always pay for them the next day, but that wasn't the point. But I HAD to have them. And when I didn't have a bus pass, I'd usually walk down and get a cab home, but would "forget" to take the money out. So I was screwing over two companies. Keep in mind that I did pay it all back, but again, not the point.

Two, I'd sweat like a pig. I had comlete weather intolerance. Even walking from my bedroom to my living room would cause me to sweat, as I usually had my fan on in my bedroom. If I had to go in a place that was hot, I'd sweat. But if it was cold, I'd get the chills.

Three, I couldn't settle down long enough to do something. I'd literally more hop from watching tv for about five minutes, then go on the computer for another five, try to read a book for ten, then try to sleep, then get up to...you get the picture. I'd also literally sit on the bus for hours every single day.

Four, I had horrible anxiety. I figure that I had about five different interviews over the last year; two of which were mine, but couldn't bring myself to the interview because I'd panic too much.

Five, nightmares. Nothing more fun than dreaming about your family every single night. (Parents.) Also would dream about the animals we had to give up. There was one nightmare that involved my mom dying again. I'd also try to sleep at night and I'd think I was actually back in my old house.

Six, I have had several other symptoms, but I can't deny that Effexor may not have been responsible. The ear issues, eye problems (can't focus properly, but it could be my script is due to be changed.) Protein in the urine, involuntary quivering, and nausea.

Even cutting down caused issues. When my body got adjusted to them, I'd start to have the symptoms all over again. And with the move last week...wasn't fun. I'd go through a night or two of no sleep, but couldn't do any work because I couldn't concentrate long enough. Then I'd have to spend time playing catch up. I honestly haven't slept much since last weekend. On Wednesday, I woke up at 1:30 am. I *HAD* to force myself to finish packing and stuff. There's actually stuff that I need to go back and do today because I just couldn't finish it on Wednesday. (We were going back to get more stuff anyway.) Now on the day that I woke up at 1:30, I ended up taking enough Gravol to kill a child. Did NOTHING. Even when I got here, I still couldn't sleep. Probably ended up getting about four hours of sleep total. We had to get a maintenance guy as soon as I got here because the tub tap broke and it was a steady stream of water. Then ended up finding out about nine pm that our heat wasn't working. So the guy ended up coming over yesterday. He woke me up. After he left, the cable guy showed up. Then the phone person. Then my brother. Then I left to go to town for a while. Had to do laundry and get a bath. Got about two hours of sleep and have been awake since midnight.

I would have been fine, if I hadn't taken that last Effexor (I took it shortly before I went to try to sleep again at 4). Let's say that's the last Effexor I will touch. Thought I would have been fine, nope.

Funny you should mention about my mom watching over. You see, the bathroom taps and heat were two issues that we had with the old house. And for BOTH of those to break as soon as we got here? Well, the heat I don't know what was wrong. The tap I know my brother went to test out the water pressure and then it wouldn't turn off. Where we live it's a neighborhood filled with apartment buildings. Each has three floors, has to be close to fifty buildings. The one we got is right across the street from the bus terminal, we have no neighbors on either side, and there's a store literally two doors down from our front one. It's actually in our apartment building. There's also the community room right next door, along with the gym. Oh, and the laundry room is about a five foot walk from our apartment. We seriously have the best apartment in the best building.

All of that makes me believe that they are indeed watching over us. Oh, and the day that I officially decided to move was a weird one. I had been napping, woke up at 4 pm and decided that I HAD to go to town NOW. It was raining out, so I really was kind of perplexed as to why I HAD to go. (I don't like the rain.) Now, the bus comes at like five after the hour, so I had to rush to get ready. By the time the bus got to the other end of the street, the sun had come out and it was still raining. Then as we turned onto another street, a rainbow appeared. Had I not went to town right then, I would have missed it. I always associate sunshowers and rainbows to my mom. It was like she was telling me that it was ok to move, I'd be ok. And I haven't freaked out or cried once since I got here.

Wow, I've went on way too long. lol I still have one more trip to do, have to go back to get the rest of my stuff. Then next week I get to look for a job. I have an interview at the call center at some point, but I found a job that I would love more. So I will apply for that one.

Shauna

[leeann]

Thanks for the hugs!

So glad that you are doing everything with the Doc's guidance. And I would expect that it may indeed take a bit for you to settle into the new place, get your body used to doing without those meds and get back into a normal sleep pattern. So.. try to be patient with yourself.

Now though... what a great brand new start. I'm so happy for you! Your apartment does indeed sound like THE best one! And all of those affirmations from Mom.. wow...

I'll keep things crossed you get the job you want! And a nice quiet Christmas with the two of you sounds just great. Bet that will be one you two will remember always.

((((((ShaunaMarie))))))

Keep us posted!

leeann

[shauna marie]

(((((leeann)))))

Well, I was wrong.

My brother and I are NOT doing Christmas on the 25th this year. We are going to wait until the 27th because......

Our other brother is getting married on December 20th! I am SOOOOOO excited. They are getting married in her hometown, just by Justice of the Peace. I am so, so, so very glad they are doing it that way. I don't have to be there. (Not too sure how I would have reacted to my brother getting married and my parents not being there.) And none of us thought he'd ever get married, so the fact that he actually is getting married is amazing enough.

His plans are to spend a week with her family in Calgary. Then he is going back to where we grew up on the 26th and is staying through until the 30th. So my brother and I will be going there on either the 26th or 27th to spend a few days with them. It will be so nice to spend the days with my brothers and new sister-in-law. And so nice that we don't have to do Christmas Day. I've more or less wanted to take that day off my calendar, and so have a very good reason to this year. The best part of it is that we have some positive things to look forward to after the holidays.

Well, finally got the rest of my stuff moved on Friday. I also ended up going to see my godfather and it all just hit what I was going to do. Not then, but later on. I was also eating crap food that I had no business eating in the first place. I also needed sleep in the worst way. So I ended up with some pretty bad bloating and stomach pains on Friday night. They were absolutely horrible. I was quite a female dog to the brother I live with, too. The pains were so bad that I actually almost ended up going to the ER over. I just couldn't sleep in the night. I finally ended up taking the Pooh Bear my godfather gave me two years ago to bed with me. That somehow comforted me enough to get a 'lil sleep. When I woke up I still had pains, but got back to bed and felt better when I woke up. My tummy still hurts, but it isn't as bad as on Friday. I've also been very, very careful as to what I will eat.

Not sure my body is thankful that I have stopped taking the other medication. Unfortunately, I do get some withdrawal symptoms. I am starting another that is supposed to help with the symptoms. It doesn't matter, I know I absolutely cannot go back to the other medication.

I did call my godfather last night. We talked for a bit, he's coming up in a couple of weeks. I can't wait until he sees the place.

I also realized that I have way too many Pooh Bears. Of the nine boxes I packed, I had Poohs or something with Pooh on it in eight of the nine boxes. The only box that didn't was a very, very tiny box. I have also given my brothers suggestions for Christmas pressies. I did make a funny comment to one the other day, that it was the first time I was thankful I had two brothers so I could get twice the Pooh stuff. I actually am not getting a whole lot, don't have the room, for sure.

And you deserve the hugs, yer such a sweetie.

Thanks for replying and take care.

Shauna

[leeann]

Well now a Wedding! That's great Shauna! Sounds like it will be a good time for all of you! Amazing how things work out sometimes, huh?

Well you enjoy your godfather's visit to your new place.

So the Pook Bears are taking over...LOL Well that was bound to happen someday though right? LOL Well you might find a place or two to donate the ones you are willing to part with if it comes to having to getting rid of some. But in the meantime... nothing wrong with the Silly Ol' Bear hanging around a bit. You could pack some away and leave some out and then switch them at different parts of the year or something if you can't have them all out.

I think most people collect something... whether they realize it or not. Now just ask my daughter about anything with "apples". Yes.. it is true... I'm kinda an apple freak. We go into a store and my daughter says.. "Mom.. step awaaaay from the Apples." LOL

I have a few wall hangings with them.. a huge apple cookie jar... apple wind chimes.... ETC>>> LOL You get the idea. My Mom also fostered this by buying me lil apple ornaments every time she went anywhere. LOL So we could just blame her... huh? LOL

Enjoy your new place and yeah I'd watch your diet for a bit and stick to fairly easily digested stuff for awhile so it calms down. Moving itself is a very stressful thing. And yes even positive things can cause positive stress.. so it may not just be coming off the meds that was bothering you. No two ways about it.. moving is stressful.

So now enjoy making the place your own and keep us posted on how you are faring.

leeann