Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Too Much

Recommended Posts

Last nite I had a bit of a start. I had gotten my xmas stuff out so my roommates could use it and when I opened one box at the bottom was a lone card. When I opened it I found it was from my mom2 and dad. It was such a shock that I totally lost it. I was so upset I was physically ill.

Don't get me wrong I am very thankful I now have it but the shock of finding it and the emotions that flowed was very over welming. I'm haveing problems learning what my emotions are and I felt so many different things and I have no idea what any of them were.

Growing up in my home there were only 3 emotions that were ever used....anger happiness saddnes. And being chronicly depressed I have very low self esteem so growing up I only knew those three. I know there are emotions and I know there names but I don't "know" or understand what they are and what one feels when they have them. Does that make any sense?

And this weekend I have to face and deal with more xmas. The little guy ( my roommates son) wants to sleep in aunt chris's bed and watch all his xmas cartoons with me. I couldn't bring myself to say no, so tomorrow nite I have to put on a happy face and pretend to enjoy. Who knows I might actually like watching them this year.

Every day it seems to take more and more just to get out of bed. And the nites seem longer and longer. I have had some people tell me that I don't have any right to feel like this because she was only my step mom. But she was more then that to me. She wasn't my step mom she was my mom. Not to mention my best friend and confidont. I think one of my favorite things someone said ( favorite in stupidist) was get over it all ready dead is dead. Every time I've heard that it feels like a slap in the face.

Well I've taken enough of your time with my rants.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Dlady.. doncha love those "surprises".. not!

When I look back on it, I have learned sometimes I see things or find things at the seemingly absolute correct time for me to see them or find them.

Yes those lil things that crop up can just take our breaths away at times.

But for whatever reason... they happen that way many times over.

In the beginning.. oh I'd be sent right to tears.. but even then I knew... I was meant to find them at just that time. Maybe it was them just connecting to me at that instant.. or whathaveyou. But I trust when I come across things now that I must either need to see them or express the emotions behind their finding.

Your emotions are what they are. I haven't ever found it too useful for me to analyze them too much. For me that can lead right into judging myself.. which can cause me to easliy slip back into a low self esteem mode.

So I try not to dwell on those emotions themselves. I just feel and express them. I don't think it is critically important for me to always have to attach a "name" to them... but what I have learned is it IS just critical is for me to express them. If you are being treated for the chronic depression you could mention some of the trouble you are having & your need identifying your emotions to your therapist.. perhaps they can best guide you there. If you are not being currently treated for depression.. might be a good time to check in with a professional and bring up your concerns.

Yes I have found getting out of bed gets tougher before it gets easier again. So keep in mind this terribly tough time will pass in time. It isn't this intense forever.

How sweet your roomates' lil one wants to watch the Christmas shows with you. Yes.. we all are plastering that "happy face" on quite a bit ourselves at this time of year. So you aren't alone. But watching them with him may help you to feel even better about the holidays... kids have a way of helping us to heal too.. without them even being aware of it! They can bring us out of ourselves and see things from a different perspective. So I do hope you two have a decent time watching together.

Surround yourself with people who *do* understand your feelings of loss. And I would at this time distance yourself a bit from those who are not as supportive. I don't mean be rude.. just seek those out who you know are more understanding of your feelings and spend time sharing with them more. And for those who do not seem to understand... just share less. Of course share here anytime.

You are NOT taking up our time... you are sharing here with us and that helps us too! So please feel free to share anytime... anything...


Let us know how you do with the lil guy.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...