My Most Special Kitty-girl ***minky ***

[MY DARLING MINKY- GIRL]

I AM IN A TOTAL HELLISH, FOREVER- NIGHTMARE. AS MY BEAUTIFUL, LOVING, COMICAL DARLING, EVER !!!!!! HAS BEEN TRAGICALLY RUN OVER, ON MONDAY 13TH SEPTEMBER 2004, AFTER , WRONGLY DEPRIVING HER, OF ALL THE LOVE AND INDOOR HOMELIFE WITH ME, THAT SHE WAS USED TO, ( WE ADORED EACH OTHER FOR 14 MONTHS ,PRIOR TO ME MAKING SUCH A HUGE MISTAKE.... SHE WAS SO LOVING, AND WAS EVERYTHING, SO VERY SPECIAL TO ME )

BUT THEN EVERYTHING CHANGED............................ LAST NOVEMBER , AS***** I DISRUPTED OUR WONDERFUL SHARED LOVE......I WILL REGRET IT FOREVER

, THAT I RUINED EVERYTHING, WHEN THERE WAS NO NEED TO DO WHAT I DID, AS MINKY WAS SO SWEET AND GENTLE AND WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN AGGRESSIVE TO TEDDY, BUT I NEVER THOUGHT, TO EVEN TRY AND HAVE MINKY INSIDE TOO... AND CONTINUE BEING TOGETHER......HOW I REGRET THIS >>>>>>>>

AS.... FOR **TEN LONG MONTHS **, , I GAVE EVERYTHING, TO A NEEDY OLD HOMELESS KITTY, TEDDY, WHO DIED THE PREVIOUS MONDAY 6TH SEPTEMBER 2004....AND EXACTLY ONE WEEK LATER ,YOU WERE SO UNEXPECTEDLY KILLED, BEFORE I GOT AROUND , TO MAKE IT UP, TO YOU ....

I HAVE WRITTEN ABOUT MY MINKY , ON

** SUNSTREETS, UNIMAGINEABLE PAIN ...**

.HOW I WISH ..... I HAD DONE THINGS SO DIFFERENTLY NOW, AND SHE WOULD BE SAFE, AND SO VERY LOVED NOW, AND NOT WANDERED THAT AWFUL DAY, AND THEN WE WOULD BE TOGETHER RIGHT NOW , BOTH LOVING EVERYTHING ,AND BEING BACK TOGETHER ,

BUT

NOW.............

.....

NOTHING IS THE WAY, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, AS SHE WAS **MY MOST FAVOURITE-LOVING SOUL MATE, KITTY***, AND I MESSED EVERYTHING UP. I WILL MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT HER FOREVER, AS SO DEVASTATINGLY ,WE HAVE BEEN ROBBED OF OUR VERY SPECIAL LONG FUTURE, WE LOVED EACH OTHER SO VERY MUCH, DAY AND NIGHT .....

AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF,

IT IS LIKE A BIZARRE NIGHTMARE WITHOUT my adorable CHERRY BLACK, SLEEK, YOUNG best SUPER LOVING pal, MY MINKY.... MY SPECIAL DARLING GIRL XXXXX

...I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T GET YOU BACK INSIDE, TO FEEL YOU IN MY ARMS.....AND SEE THE JOY ON YOUR PRETTY FACE........WHEN I HAD ALL THE CHANCES. BUT THE WHOLE YEAR WAS SO FILLED WITH STRESSES, WORRIES AND PRESSURE...THAT I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT YOUR NEEDS, LIKE I SHOULD HAVE DONE !!!!! I PLANNED TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU, BUT I LEFT IT TOO LATE !!!! I AM FILLED WITH GRIEF, GUILT AND HUGE REGRETS,

THAT***

**** I COULD HAVE ALTERED THE COURSE OF OUR HISTORY*****, IF ONLY I HAD GOT YOU IN THE MORNING, BEFORE YOU WERE KILLED...AND MADE YOU FEEL SPECIAL AND LOVED , DURING THOSE TEN LONG MONTHS, WHEN YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE, LONELY, AND YOU NEVER GOT TO KNOW THOSE TEN LONG MONTHS WERE OVER, AND BACK ON MY LAP , BACK,WITH ME INDOORS TOGETHER, FOR US BOTH, TO LOVE EVERY MINUTE......... HOW IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALL ALONG

I AM SO, VERY SORRY ,MY MINKY XXXXX I WILL MISS YOU FOREVER XXXXX

[sunstreet]

Just wanting you to know that I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling. The only hope that I can offer you is that despair eventualy turns into sadness and the days become a little easier. The relationship you shared with your darling "Minky" is yours forever, not even death can take that away.

I encourage you to seek out people that understand and acknowledge your pain and to take good gentle care of yourself.

regards, Sunstreet

[MY DARLING MINKY- GIRL]

THANKS DEAR SUNSTREET,

How I wish, I hadn't shut her out of the house for those 10 long, lonely, months....I just wasn't thinking straight, and MY DEAREST MINKY - GIRL was deprived of ALL THE LOVE, WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HAVING, WHILE I CARED FOR TEDDY.....It is like a FOREVER NIGHTMARE.... AS WE BOTH MISSED OUT ON BEING TOGETHER, and right now, we should be together,,,, it feels so UREAL, HOW EVERYTHING WENT WRONG...LIFE IS JUST NOT HOW IT SHOULD BE........I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR MAKING THE WRONG DECISIONS, AND I LONG TO HAVE HER, BEAUTIFUL, CHERRY BLACK, SLEEK, YOUNG, RADIANT AND LOVING , COMICAL DARLING MINKY , IN MY ARMS.... AND IF ONLY I HAD BEGUN TO MAKE IT ALL UP TO HER, WHEN I HAD SO MANY CHANCES, DURING THOSE 10 AWFUL MONTHS. I JUST DIDN'T THINK ENOUGH, ABOUT THE FACT THAT I TURNED HER WORLD UPSIDE DOWN.......XXXXX AND CHANGE WHAT i WAS DOING....SHE MUST HAVE FELT SO ALONE, AS WE WERE INSEPARABLE BEFORE I RUINED EVERYTHING.....AND I NEVER GAVE HER MUCH ATTENTION , OR SIT AND CUDDLE HER DURING THAT 10 MONTHS, LIKE I SHOULD HAVE DONE... OR OPENNED THE DOORS, FOR HER TO BE, IN THE HOUSE OR IN MY BED......MY GUILT, REGRETS, AND MISSING MY MINKY ARE HUGE, FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE....I SHOULD HAVE DONE EVERYTHING DIFFERENTLY....IT IS LIKE A BIZARRE NIGHTMARE, WITHOUT MY FAVOURITE LITTLE MINKY ......SHE HAD FUR , LIKE A MINK... AND WAS SO EXTRA SPECIAL, AND LOVING TO ME,,,AND I SHUT THE DOORS ON HER........IT IS UNBEARABLE, WHEN WE SHOULD BE LOVING EACH OTHER , FOR MANY YEARS...THE WAY WE HAD BEEN, BEFORE TEDDY, CAME ALONG,,,, WHO WAS AN OLD HOMELESS KITTY, WITH KIDNEY FAILURE.....POOR MINKY, I AM SO SORRY FOR WHAT I DID, AND WILL MISS YOU EVERY MINUTE XXXXX

[mamacat]

I am so so very sorry about your loss. It's bad enough to loose a loved companion but to feel one could have done something to save them and didn't....I know how hard that is. I was caught up in a project in my work and didn't pay the attention I should have for 2 or 3 months to my dear Rulin. I thought she'd be there when I finished, I didn't realize I was stressing her with my inattention, it never occured to me she would die! I was in serious denial about death. And so we are left loving these special companions, they are gone have suffered, and we think we have hurt them, betrayed them, and are not able to reverse it. Maybe we could have acted differently. Maybe it would have saved them, maybe not. Maybe they would have died anyway. Maybe we being human and not perfect did the best we were able to do at the time. Maybe we can learn from our tragic mistakes and change, do better in the future, reach out to others which you have been doing on this board. Maybe we can let their love and the lessons they have taught us , enable us to better relate to other creatures in need of our love.

You did not purposly hurt her, you were stressed trying to care for your other cat. At some point hopefully you can forgive yourself. You might consider asking her for her forgivness, I'm sure she will give it.

Please know that you are not alone in your feelings , may the love you shared outweigh all else.

mamacat