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One Month Today

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Well all, it's been a month today and it is hitting me hard. I can't believe that it's already been a whole month sense my mom has passed away. I miss her so much. I often wonder why my world hasn't stopped. It's almost like I don't want to go on anymore. I hate it. I know that I've got people that love me very much, but I just can't handle it anymore.

Never in my life did I ever think that I'd lose my mom. I guess that I knew that she'd be gone before me, but I didn't think that it would have been this soon. My mom was my best friend, the one that I loved talking to and listening to. Just hearing her voice soothed me in so many ways! Now I will never hear it again. I'll never hear those famous words "I love you". I long for that again....even if it is just once.

I've had a couple of dreams about her and I wake up in worse shape. It's usually the same dream but in a different setting. I always tell her the same thing. "I don't want you to go". In my dream I cry and I wake up crying. It's almost a double edge sword. I love seeing her even if it's in my imagination, but I can't handle the waking up part. If I could sleep all the time and stay with her, I would!

I sometimes don't know if I am going to make it, or I don't want to go on. I guess it's just me being stupid. I just know that I want her back right now! I can't handle going into her house and her not be there. I hate the fact that I had to go and get rid of all of her clothing and go through all of her things. I don't want anything of hers, I want her! If I could have just one more month, week or even a day with her. I hope that she knows how much I loved her and I miss her!!

Oh well, I guess I should close now!

Thanks for listening

Momma's baby boy! (32)

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