My Son Just Died

[sherireed]

Mine is abit of a long story ,Im a grief support worker myself but havent worked for about 6 years now ,I got into helping others when I had an ectopic pregnancy and lost my father soon afterwards. I was just handing out resumes last week and going to go back to school in Sept. to become a funeral director because our youngest 5 years old and now in school.So I thought it was time for me to get back into the working field, strangely enough my sons girlfriends dad owns the funeral home here where we live so he had offered me a job.Now I have just lost my oldest son Stewart 8 nigths ago. He was 19 and the oldest of my 5 children. He had a very ,very tragic accident I dropped him off to his girlfriends house so that her parents could then take them over to another friends and they could go and see there new apartment they had just moved into. From what I have been told there was alot of snow piled up on the floor of the balcony and even more closer to the railings he was standing backwards facing the 6 other kids that were there and leaned back placing his bum cheeks on the railing and a second later he fell to his death 8 storeys. The police showed up at our home at around 4 in the morning, they were very kind in the way the told us but I never screamed so loud and never swore so much at those poor police, I even kept opening and slamming our side door telling them they were liers and to get out, they just stood there I guess not knowing what to say.I guess why Im here is because Im having a harder time then anyone really knows, everyone thinks Im doing so well but when they go I just scream and cry. I have a ton of support we had close to 400 kids and families and friends attend his funeral and visitation, our families came to the house and stayed I finally had to get rude with my one sister and tell her to leave us alone, she has been wanting to come everyday because we had my son cremated and we brought him home in his urn so she wants to come and be with him and as selfish as this may sound I dont want to share him with anyone. And ontop of that last night I was speaking on the phone with my son that dieds girlfriends mom and I WAS ASKING her to tell me everything that really happened that night, because I want to know every detail, she told me that she would tell me more when we were alone togeather but told me my son was fighting so hard to live!!! I asked her this but the minute she said that I said Im confussed the drs,nurses,the coroner all said my son died imediatly??? but she is telling me my son was trying to talk and it was so horriable to watch him suffer and try and fight. I don think I can handle the truth and I want to know but I dont want to know. I guess I just dont know what to do,I cry and yell,Im so blank and my heart inside really hurts not just saying those words my heart has been aching for 8 days now. I so wanted my son not to know anything that happened to him or feel any pain but I think he did and now with what she told me . I guess bottom line is Im having a hard time because Im grief supporting myself, Im talking to me like Im not the one going through this, kind of like a dr. fixing his own broken leg.Thanks for listening Sheri

[AnnieO]

Sheri,

I am so sorry about your son. I don't even know what to say, other than you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Keep posting here, there are wonderful, caring people here.

[mlg]

Sheri

I am so sorry that you have had to come here. I would give you the advice that I'm sure you have given others, don't be so hard on yourself. The things you are feeling are normal, it has only been 8 days and this was you child.

His picture is so full of life and he looks like he could have been an ornery one. I'm sure he added much joy to your life.

There is nothing wrong with your screaming or telling your sister to leave, but I do hope you'll be able to speak with her and let her know it was nothing against her that you just needed some private time.

You have to cry when you have to cry because you'll find nobody wants you to cry around them. I have a couple of friends from my grief support that never make me feel bad about it and my one daughter ( the other one grieves in private). Everyone else thinks you should be better and at this point I don't know that I will ever be better because I lost the love of my life and I don't know what I would have done had it been my child.

Please go easy on yourself and come here and let it all out.

((((((((hugs)))))))))))

[sherireed]

Thank-you very much for all your kind words.......still crying for my baby.Sheri