Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Have You Lost A Loved One To A Violent Death?


Recommended Posts

My aunt and cousin were just shot and killed by my cousin's former husband. I'm having a problem now that I don't understand. I have anxiety and I'm scared at night.

I don't unerstand why though. It's not like a stranger broke in on them and shot them. They were killed by someone they knew. I do okay during the day aside from crying a lot but at night things are horrible. I'm constantly checking my doors to make sure they are locked. I keep my blinds down and curtains pulled shut. I keep a constant check on my kids to make sure they are okay and I feel panicky and anxious at night. Once I fall asleep I sleep just fine. If I do happen to wake up during the night then I'm scared again. I'm even scared to be alone in my own house at night and my dh works rotating shifts so he starts nights again on Monday.

Is this a normal response?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear One,

I'm so sorry to learn of the tragic and violent deaths of your relatives ~ and yes, your response is absolutely normal under the circumstances. To discover that such an unthinkable thing can happen ~ to members of your own family, no less ~ shatters your assumptive world and turns upside down your sense of safety in this world. I urge you to do some reading about traumatic loss and the effects it has on survivors, so you'll have a better understanding of your own reactions and some idea of how to manage them. A very good place to start is to check out the links I've listed on the Traumatic Loss page on my Grief Healing Web site. See especially A Murder in the Family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear aces67,

I am so very sorry for your losses. I just wanted to let you know that what you are experiencing is very normal. My husband was dying of cancer and in his last days he shot himself while I was in the shower. I also lost my children's father because he went out drinking all day and decided to walk home in sub-freezing temperatures through the woods without a coat and was not found for 2 months. Though my situations were not the same as yours they were very traumatic and I experienced everything you are going through and I want you to know it is normal. Your system has been shocked into the reality of life and death and how quickly it can happen. It takes a while to sort through everything and put everything into perspective but you will be ok. Definitely check out the links that Marty has listed for you.

Wishing you peace,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear one.

Love and blessings to you! In four months, I have lost my dad, job and my best friend to suicide<<<<what your are feeling is something to rejoice in. You are a loving and normal human being.......so even tho you can't understand it now, you are one of the treasured ones who have so much love in your heart that you have the ability to love....


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...