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[cubby]

I have been reading other posts and it has been helpful. I was informed about this site from a local Hospice. She had given me copies of some articles that she thought would be helpful to me. It is difficult to know where to begin. My mom and dad were married young... My mom was only 16 and my dad was 20. I was born a year later, (premature) and spent the first 2 months in the hospital.I guess since they were so young that we actually grew up together.

I had the best mom in the world. She was definitely a mom who kept me on the right path, but we were also BEST friends as I got older. My mom was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in December 2003. All the dr's were up beat as the cancer had been detected early. My mom began a very intense schedule of chemo and radiation. She took the maximum amount allowed for her treatment. She was hospitalized fro each Chemo treatment. She usually was in the hospital for 4-5 days each time. My mom was such a tough lady, I don't know how she handled all of this so well. She was determined to beat this cancer. She went into remission for about 1 1/2 years. We were happy but cautious. Then she began to have severe headaches. She thought it was a sinus infection. But we later found out that the cancer had moved to her brain. She went through more chemo and radiation. the tumor shrunk. Then she was sent to a neurologist for another type of radiation to her brain(pin point radiation). For a few months she seemed to improve, but them all heck broke loose. She started forgetting things and having trouble keeping her balance. This was the beginning of the end. She refused to give up and she continued to fight. She wanted to be around for her family. The last 2 years were awful. She was unable to do anything for herself and believe me this was difficult for my mom. She was a very independent person. My dad became a 24/7 care giver. My brother and I relieved him as often as possible. My dad had to have some time away to keep sane.

In October, my mom became very ill and was placed in the hospital. She was having difficulty swallowing. The dr's wanted to put in a feeding tube but my mom refused. She was sent home with Hospice care. Some days she was able to eat and drink and other days it was impossible.

My daughter who lives in another state was able to come home for a week. My mom had a good week and we were thankful to have that time with her. During the last week , we all knew it was close to the end. My mom didn't say much about it to me or my brother but she told my dad she would be leaving soon. Hospice brought in a hospital bed and my mom said she didn't need it as she wouldn't bre here long. She lasted 1 week. My brother and I were by her bedside when she took her last breathe. She had been rattling very bad all day and I would check her respiration by placing my hand on her chest and count. At approx 2:20 on Nov.16, I counted the respirations and when I removed my hand my mom took her last breathe. I'm glad I was with her. I miss her so much. It has been very difficult dealing with this loss. I talked to my mom all the time. She was always there for me. It was difficult to try to carry on like "normal" for Thanksgiving. Then we had Christmas... then in January we had my mom's birthday to face. It has been awful dealing with this. I feel as if I'm going crazy.ouble sleeping, my eating habits have changed as I'm hungry all the time. My brother and dad seem to be handling things but I know appearances are deceiving.

I just can't "get over it". My dad told me to move on that my mom is gone. But I just can't move on. I thought I was okay after her birthday in January, but then it was if I crashed, and I couldn't stop the bouts of crying. I just don't want to do any thing or go anywhere. I guess I'm depressed. To make matters worse... My dad had a lady friend to move in with him about 2 months after my mom passed. This was difficult to understand. How can you be married to the love of your life for 50 years and move this quickly?????? I've tried to understand... He's lonely and can't bare to be by himself.

I know this is long, but it does help to get it out. Thank you for allowing me to post. I think reading other posts have been very helpful.

[AnnC]

I'm so sorry over the loss of your mom. Since she passed in November, it's barely 5 months, and that's not very long when it comes to grief. People handle it differently. I have noticed that some men remarry quickly, due to loneliness and not knowing how to grieve. My grandfather adored my grandmother and they were married for 48 years, but my grandfather remarried 3 months after she died. It's just the way some people cope, I guess.

But the loss of a parent can be very hard, and especially when the relationship is very close. I lost my dad almost 2 1/2 years ago, but I still feel it sometimes.

Don't let it get to you that people say "Get over it". As you will read on this website, you don't get over the loss, you learn to live with it, and it takes as long as it takes. If you are worried about how you are grieving, a grief counselor or group can be very very helpful, because it reassures you that everyone deals with grief in their own way, and your way is just as "normal" as anyone else's. And it helps a lot to talk about it.

It helps to post here also, and you can do that 24/7.

Ann

[cubby]

Thanks for your reply. Some days are worse than others. I visited my dad today. It is so strange to go home and not feel that its home any more. I just miss my mom so much. I miss not having our talks. She was always there for me and she was a great listener. I feel as though my heart is broken into a million pieces. I have read some other posts and I have to agree with the one that says "i'm sad and tired, and I;m tired of being sad." My life just doesn't seem right any more. I'm lost without my mom. I used to see her everyday and now....

I'll be attending the Hospice grief support group next Monday. I hope this will help me to feel better. My husband has tried to be understanding, butI think he's ready for me to move on and get over it. I've been reading a book, Motherless daughter. I had hoped that it would help me come to terms with my mother's death. I know she was 65, but she was a YOUNG 65. She should have had more good years, she deserved to have a good retirement.

How do you go on? I get upset seeing others having fun and laughing... how can they do this when my world has stopped? How do I get my world moving again?

[AnnieO]

Cubby,

You are not alone . I can relate to what you are going thru right now. My mom was my best friend, we too, saw eachother almost everyday. If we didn't see eachother we talked many times during the day. If I had errands to run, she would ride along, just for fun. We truly enjoyed eachother's company. I am slowly picking up the pcs of my broken heart. I have said this on other posts...its not that I have "closure"(hate that word). I have acceptance. I know I have to get use to my new "normal". I have no choice. I have a family and I want to honor my parents by living my life in the best way I can.

We sold my parent's house so I know what you mean about not having a home to go back too. Its hard. I hope the hospice group will be helpful. You will find joy and laughter again, it just takes time...take care of yourself.