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My Grandson Left Us A Month Ago

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Today is one month since we lost our baby to accidental drowning. He was two. As Grandma, between the grief over losing him and the frustration of not feeling able to help my daughter get through this it has been a struggle.

He was a beautiful little boy, with his blonde hair and shining blue eyes, the one child of the four grandchildren that so resembled my daughters spirit.

Oddly enough, the evening before he told his Mom he was going to fly up in the clouds.

My daughter believes that he knew he was leaving us, and takes some peace in that it was his time. I have yet to find that peace. I miss him so.

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Dear One,

I’m so sorry to learn of the tragic death of your beloved grandson, and I can only imagine how devastating this must be for you and the rest of your family. And of course your life is forever changed as a result -- because we are not supposed to outlive our children, are we? And certainly not our grandchildren. For you this is a double loss, because you’re not only mourning the loss of your grandson, but coping with the inconsolable grief of your daughter as well.

I don’t know how you found us, but I hope you'll take time to visit each of the pages on my Grief Healing Web site, at www.griefhealing.com - it contains a wealth of information as well as links to many other wonderful sites, each of which I've reviewed personally. See especially the links listed on the Death of an Infant, Child or Grandchild page, http://www.griefhealing.com/death-infant-c...-grandchild.htm. Many of these sites were developed by parents and grandparents whose feelings and experiences may be similar to your own.

In addition to what is available to you online, I sincerely hope that you've found someone to talk to about this. The loss of a child is a burden much too heavy to bear alone. Sharing your feelings, reactions and experiences with another (a trusted friend or family member, a bereavement counselor, someone on the Internet, a clergy person or in a support group comprised of other grieving parents and grandparents) gives you a safe place to express yourself, helps you understand that what you're feeling is normal, and may give you the hope that if others have found a way to survive a loss like this, then you will find your own way, too. I strongly suggest that you contact your local library, mortuary or hospice organization to find out what bereavement resources are available in your own community If you haven’t already done so, I also encourage you to contact your local chapter of The Compassionate Friends, whose mission is to assist families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child of any age, and to provide information to help others be supportive. (The chapter locator is at http://www.compassionatefriends.org/Local_...er_Locator.aspx.)

Find and read some of the wonderful books about coping with the death of a child that will help you learn what to expect in the weeks and months ahead, and that will reassure you that you are not alone in this grief of yours. See my site’s Articles ~ Columns ~ Books page for suggestions, at http://www.griefhealing.com/articles-columns-books.htm.

I also want to refer you to an interview that took place recently with Patricia Loder, Executive Director of The Compassionate Friends. This woman transformed her grief into a way to help others who have shared the experience of losing a child. In this interview with Hospice Foundation of America's Lisa Veglahn, Patricia discusses what she has learned through her own experience as a grieving parent, and the role that her organization now plays in helping grieving parents, grandparents, siblings and others who are struggling with the death of a beloved child.You can read the interview by clicking this link, or by cutting and pasting it into your browser: http://hfahospice.blogspot.com/2008/12/int...-executive.html

I hope that you are keeping your primary care physician informed as to what's going on in your life, following his or her advice, and doing all you can to take good care of yourself physically as well as emotionally.

I have no profound answers as to how you live with this, my dear, other than to encourage you not to try to travel this grief journey alone. And as other bereaved mothers and grandmothers have learned, you will do this just as you are doing it now: day-to-day, one day at a time, and if that is too much, one hour or even just one moment at a time. I’ve said it elsewhere, but it bears repeating: I happen to think that someone in your shoes deserves a medal of honor just for having the courage to get out of bed in the morning.

Please know that all of us here are thinking of you, pulling for you and holding you gently in our collective hearts.

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