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My Granddad Died On Friday.

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I am an international student in US. It was always my biggest fear to get a sad news from back home and can not make it there on time.

I had to face my biggest fear this Friday morning. I lost my granddad who was like a father to me.

"Home" is too far that I couldn't even make it to his funeral.. I'm simply stuck here and crying.

I can not find any desire to do something nor strength in me.. I couldn't sleep or eat well during this weekend. I completely lost track of time. All I was doing is trying to call home and try to be part of their process.

My mom and uncles organized everything and escorted my granddad to his hometown.. Finally, today afternoon they had the funeral in his hometown.

I was always on the phone and trying to be part of what was going on despite the time difference. And, crying the rest of the times.

I am so scared. So scared for the rest of the people.. I am so scared that I will lose my other loved ones.

I am planning to go home sometime during this week. I know I have to be strong.. I should not be all crying on the way or there. But, I simply can not control my tears.

It devastates me that I couldn't say him goodbye. I couldn't see him for one final time. And, I can not imagine going to a home where he will NEVER be there again.

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And just why shouldn't you cry? Is it a cultural thing? You just lost the man who was like a father to you, you have a right and a need to cry. The rest of your family has been there to support each other and you are here by yourself. Is there a couselor at the school you are attending. At least it would be a nonbiased ear.

Know that you are in all our hearts here and if there is anything we can do to help just let us know. I'm sorry but we cannot walk this journey for you and each of us does it in our own way and in our own time.

Good luck with your trip back home.

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