Lost My Father Last Week

[Tara M]

I stumbled across this forum because I really need someone to talk to. I am 21 years old and my friends don't understand what it feels like to loose a parent. My mother has not been exactly the most supporting either. My mother and father divorced when I was very young. I did not see my father due to his alcoholism for many years. For my childhood it was almost as if my father was dead. Then he came back into my like when I was in high school and we became close. I moved away to another state after high school and my father got sick. I did not visit him as much as I would have wanted. In the past six months my father's heart condition got worse. He was on a heart transplant list and without a new heart he would die. He got MRSA infection at the hospital 2 weeks ago and his body was too weak to survive. I was with him at his last few days and also was there when he passed. I am feeling a lot of guilt for not being with my father as much as I could. I don't think his illness really hit me until it was too late. I wish I had more time to spend with my dad not just the few great years we had. Now I am so overwhelmed with this guilt that I cannot sleep. I feel paranoid a lot and exhausted. At first I felt better about my dad that he was at peace and out of pain. After burying him it has hit me that I will never see my father again. I need some advice on coping mechanisms so that I can get back to my life. Also if anyone has dealt with the death of an estranged parent that would help as well.

[MichA]

Hi Tara,

I'm so sorry for you loss. I don't have experience with an estranged parent, but lost my mom to cancer 5 months ago. One thing that helped me a little was writing a letter to her. I know what you mean about friends, i want to talk about my mom, but when i bring up the subject it makes many people uncomfortable. Feel free to talk here. You also should be good to yourself, you are going through a very difficult time so if things take a little more time or you can't do everything you normally could, remember it's okay. Remember you spent time with him and you were there for him and that is what is important.

Take care of yourself

Michelle

[Kathy61]

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 1 year ago. As Michelle mentioned writing a letter is a good release. I keep a journal, but my journal entries are letter's to mom. It helps me to still feel connected. Don't be too hard on yourself. I think we all feel guilt for one reason or another. I think that is part of the process. You were with him at the most important time. You couldn't have given him a better gift. You found a great site for help. I come here at times just to release some of my grief and I aways get wonderful encouragement. Take care of yourself.

Kathy