My Dad Just Died But I Dont Feel A Thing

[poobear1971]

hi everyone , tis my 1st time here, thx for reading my post.

i got a phone call whilst at work yesterday saying my dad has died, a sudden heart attack and he was dead.

i didnt feel a thing at the time and went straight back to work. its over 24 hours later and i still feel nothing like sadness or loss.

i havent really known my dad since i was 7 , my mother had remarried and the family moved to america. my mum never said much about my dad , only that he loved me dearly and we had a very close relationship. i must admit that in my childish innocence that i blamed myself for a long time for my parents break up and i punished myself for it.. when i got into my 20's i started to hear why my parents divorced and my heart was broken , my dad was quite an abusive, selfish man. he did some quite horrible things to my mum that i dont wish to mentiion here... lets just say that through findin out these things i felt even more hurt, id had my heart set on meeting him and sorting some things out inside my head.

thats not possible now , he's dead. i dont feel a thing and feel like i should shed atleast 1 tear but there is none there. 1 thing i do feel is LOST and its weird.

i dont know why ive posted this i just need to write i suppose and perhaps hear from anyone who has felt like i do now.

thx for reading

Poobear1971

[tattoodlb]

Hi poobear...I'm sorry for your loss, you posted in the right place. We are all going through the loss of a parent. My mom and dad split when I was 6, and I blamed myself for a very long time, too. It is hard when you're a kid and you suddenly have no father (or mother) and of course you think it is your fault, but it is not. You can't take responsibility for your parent's happiness or future. My mom was one for placing blame but if you look at circumstances, they are all different, and there is as many sides to a story as those involved.

I STILL can't believe my mom is gone, even after a year and a half. I also got THE call while I was at home working that my mom was found deceased. It is tough to receive THE call. I don't think I felt anything until after the funeral (and then it was anger), and cry? I did not really cry until last week. The whole "life and death" thing sort of snuck up on me last week and I was melancholy for a long time. I have been feeling like "why are we even here?" and I can sympathize with those who wish to "die" right along with the parent they lost...but then what? What about the family or friends that need you?

Time is a great healer, and the issues you had with your dad are now a moot point. My suggestion is to write him a letter about how you felt all these years and then do what ever you want with it. I have mine in a scrap book I made "for my mom". You can bury it, burn it, shred it, frame it...anything that helps you leave these old feelings behind. Maybe you can also talk with your mom about how you felt.

I wish you peace.

[littledove67]

It is not wrong to feel nothing. My daughter lost her father in April. This was a man who had very little to do with her during her life. She is 15. He died suddenly of a blood clot in the brain. I thought she would fall apart when I told her....but she said "So". She didn't even want to go to the funeral, which I thought was her choice. So don't feel bad. Different people deal with grief in different ways.