Christmas Is So Different

[Kathy61]

I haven't posted in a while. I guess I could say I am doing better but there are times where the tears just start and I can't seem to stop them, and they take me by surprise.

Mom died Aug 2008. Last Christmas was a blur. My husband did all the shopping and wrapping and my daughter did most of the cooking. I was just functioning and I think I was still in the shock phase. Well this Christmas I did do the shopping and the holiday baking and kept busy with our church, but the ache of missing her was constantly in my heart. As much as I tried to push it down the sadness and emptyness kept pushing back harder. We always had a family get together at mom's around Christmas each year. This year my oldest brother had it at his house. I was doing good until we passed mom's house. I lost it. Ghosts of memories past flooded my mind. As we went past that house I could see mom greeting all of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren as we all came through the door. The house would be so crouded that there was never enough places to sit. And each year one or two more babies would be added to our family. Several complained that the family is just getting to large for the house and we should rent a hall or church, but mom wouldn't have it. Some would grab their dish and find a spot on the floor. I could hear the screams and laughter of the kids running upstairs to grandma's attic to play. My brother's and I would end up in the kitchen doing the finishing touches for the meal. This was mom's day. She had all of us at one time and you could see the joy and happiness radiating from her. After dinner mom would sit in her chair and we would all gather around while she opened up her gifts from all of us. My brother's and I would either all come together to get her a large gift or it would be like we were competing to get her the best gift.

Mom was the glue that kept us all together. This year at my brother's there were 8 of my nieces and nephews and their families that didn't show up and I suspect that each year it will get less and less. I guess not only do I morn the loss of my mom, but I also morn the loss of these very special days that we all shared. I think this will have been my hardest Christmas. I know that I will always miss her. I still miss my dad and it has been almost 13 years since we lost him. I also know from the experience of losing dad, that each year will get a little easier, but the loss of dad is still felt every year. I will always have those special memories, that while precious, will be a constant reminder of my loss.

[clw]

[quote name='Kathy61' date='30 December 2009 - 10:36 AM' timestamp='1262194611' complained that the family is just getting to large for the house and we should rent a hall or church, but mom wouldn't have it. Some would grab their dish and find a spot on the floor. I could hear the screams and laughter of the kids running upstairs to grandma's attic to play. My brother's and I would end up in the kitchen doing the finishing touches for the meal. This was mom's day. She had all of us at one time and you could see the joy and happiness radiating from her. After dinner mom would sit in her chair and we would all gather around while she opened up her gifts from all of us. My brother's and I would either all come together to get her a large gift or it would be like we were competing to get her the best gift.

Mom was the glue that kept us all together. This year at my brother's there were 8 of my nieces and nephews and their families that didn't show up and I suspect that each year it will get less and less. I guess not only do I morn the loss of my mom, but I also morn the loss of these very special days that we all shared. I think this will have been my hardest Christmas. I know that I will always miss her. I still miss my dad and it has been almost 13 years since we lost him. I also know from the experience of losing dad, that each year will get a little easier, but the loss of dad is still felt every year. I will always have those special memories, that while precious, will be a constant reminder of my loss.

[leeann]

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