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New Years Eve Vs. Christmas Eve


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Just made a trip to Home Depot. Just wanted to get out of the house. Needed new wells for the electric range. As I wandered through the aisles I felt myself getting very anxious. This was not a store I shopped by myself, Duke and I were always together doing projects around the house. Started thinking about what I'm doing tomorrow night. New Years was our night. Light a fire, few drinks, some snacks, just truly enjoying our beautiful home we built together. Then came the tears. I had to get the Duraflame logs anyway..doubt I'll light them myself tomorrow but they are set on the hearth. I so thought I was doing fine because actually Christmas Eve went very well spending the evening with my sons, daughter in law, her parents, sister and friend, and our beautiful granddaughter, Danica. Christmas morning was also a delight with Danica. She's almost 2. I know her Pa was watching her every move and smiling. Now as this evening is moving on I'm feeling more and more depressed. I hate it without him.

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I KNOW YOUR ANXIETY....New Year's Eve is like a "couples night". I will be spending it alone for, I am sure, the first time in my life. I will light a candle and try to find peace but I feel I am not even close to that yet. We did the same thing for 12 years or so on New Year's Eve with friends. One of the couples has left for Mexico, who have been supportive. ..... the other couple called before Xmas and I haven't heard from them since and the other couple, I am meeting my girlfriend for coffee this morning...I guess that is supposed to be a replacement. I think I would still choose to be on my own tonight but so hurt the lack of understanding from people. Hope there are some of you on line tonight but for those that have plans I hope the New year is everything you want it to be. For me I can't believe I will have to say tomorrow "my husband died last year"....it will seem to far away and yet to me it is like yesterday.

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You are so right now that I think about it. Xmas is associated with family, extended and immediate. New Years Eve is couples.....no wonder it seems so lonely for me. Part of the process, I suppose. Blessings, Debbie

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