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Time - in my first year of grieving I clung to that word. Time would make it better. I would work through my grief and this pain would ease. Fast forward to well into my second year - yes, time has eased the raw pain. But in all these months of looking into myself, our marriage, what love and death really meant, I realize I have pretty much no answers, and what the heck was the question anyway? But I guess that's the point. I'm living my dash now (well, coasting, a lot). Joe was the love of my life, my best friend - but in the scheme of things it was and is my life only. That was true before I met him, and it was when I was with him, and now it's without him. I'm kind of in a place where the pain is in my heart, and I see it's going to be there for the rest of my life. But me? Day to day? It changes. Constantly. Sometimes I can't see living the day in front of me, and sometimes I walk on the beach and see G-d's grace, and watch the ocean, continuous, waves breaking, like they've done thousands of years before me, and will be thousands of years after me. And I write, Marsha loves Joey, in the sand, and walk on. Just kind of rambling...Hugs, Marsha

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And hugs back at ya, sister.

You are right on again. To live each day without the one that knew us so well, that fit so well, is a struggle. There are joys amidst the sorrows, but the raw, emptiness that was left with Bob's passing is a weight that I wonder if it will ever leave. It ties me to generations of women in my family that lost their husbands too young. The only problem is, they too have passed on. I want to shout to them "I know, I know, I know what you felt and why you hung onto their name and their words and their ways." I want to hug them with this new understanding and I want to be held and comforted by them because they would know, too, how it is for me.

What is the meaning of it all? I only wish I knew.

Hang in there, my friend. You are a blessing. Joe knew.


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I too am overwhelmed and humbled by how much I didn't understand over the years about the effect that losing a partner had on family members and friends. I felt their pain and shared their losses but didn't really comprehend the feelings of utter despair that can surface at any time and the struggle they must have had, every day, just to find a way in this life without the one closest to their heart.

I fully understand now where their soft smiles came from, how they accepted minor irritations with a shrug and how they knew when to hold me when I needed it most. Personal growth - yes, but I long for the ignorant days.

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