The Loss Of My Father

[justme2905]

I lost my father on Jan. 19,2010. He had liver cancer. He lived with it for seven months. When the doctors gave him a few days to a week. I did all that I could to help him and my mom. I know that he is at peace and is now with God. I was my Daddys rock and still is my moms. Two Sundays ago I whent to church for the 1st time after my fathers passings and my world feel like it has fallen a part. I feel like I cant going on. I cry for no reason at all. I feel stressed out all of the time. I am tryin to keep things togather for my MOM. But it is really hard when my brother who is older than me is not doing his part. I know that I have to let go and let GOD. In time I believe that I will be able to bu right now I feel that if I let go I am letting go of my father and his wants. He wants me to look out for my MOM and take care of her. Can someone please help me by telling me some things i can do to cope with the loss of my father.

Thanks in advance.

[Kavish]

Hi Justme2905,

I am sorry you are dealing with this loss of your father. I am sure you want to be there for your mom as well. But it does not mean you can overlook you own grief. Please give your self time to take care of your own self and your love will again allow you to look after them. I am sure your dad is here with you and everywhere.

Sincerely,

Kavish

[Daughter2010]

Justme2905,

First of all I am so sorry for your loss, losing a parent is like losing that one half of ourselves,and it really is devastating. I can understand your situation as I lost my father almost 4 months ago and yes, it still feels like yesterday. Like you, I was asking myself the same question a few days after my father's passing...how do people cope with it? each person does what he/she can. The pain of the loss, and the grief are things that are not worked through overnight. It takes time to understand what really happened, and grasp the relevancy of a parent's passing in our lives. One recommendation, do not shut down the feelings from your grief. One should mourn the loss of a loved one in all its dimensions.

Please know that there is not right or wrong way of feeling about your father's passing. Each person mourns differently. The first few weeks after Dad died, I couldn't stop crying, I felt this crushing pain, the kind of pain that does not go away because simply there is no remedy for it. You just have to learn to live with it.

In the process of mourning, please don't forget to take care of yourself. I am sure your father would not want you to abandon yourself, but rather try to move forward with life. Taking care of your mom is indeed important, but so are you and your health. Always keep in mind to do what your father would have wanted you to do.

As far as coping with the loss, well everyday is a struggle to move forward carrying that pain in my heart, but I seek comfort in God, knowing that my dad couldn't be in better hands than His. Is it easy? no, but knowing that God understands my pain, helps a great deal.

When I have trouble getting through my day to day tasks, I remember that my dad worked so hard through his life and the best way to honor him is to do the things that would make him proud. He is not here physically but I am sure wherever he is now, he is at peace and with joy.

Don't be so hard on your pain and grief, remember that there is a time for everything, time to laugh, time to cry, time to mourn, time to love, etc. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my father, and i do have my ups and downs.I miss him terribly, and probably will for the rest of my life, but I need to do what I need to do because that is what he would have wanted.

Know that you are not alone and you can always come to this forum, we are here to support you in any way we can.

Hugs,

-L

[justme2905]

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply to me know that I am greatful for you and other people who have taken the time to reply to me post. Just the few days I have been here I have gotten alot of helpful replies. Today have been one of my better days. I relize that I have to take things one day at a time and do what I can and do not worry about the rest. I am proud of myself today I worked out and did some cleaning. The good thing about it I wanted to do these things most of the time I have to make myself do them. I am glad that i joined this site.

[MissingMyDaddy]

I know how you feel. I lost my Daddy one year ago today. Being that it's been one year, I can tell you that sometimes it feels like the pain does not get better. The thing you need to know though, is that you need to cry. You need to let it out. Yes, to a certain extent you need to be strong for your Mom, but at the same time you need to allow yourself to properly mourn. My Dad was ill for years, and many many times we thought he was gonna pass. He was on life support TWICE ans someone, managed to somewhat recover. Even at the end, the DR. said he'd be gone in 72 hrs, but he hung on for 3 weeks. Since we had so many close calls, by the time he actually passed I thought I was ready for it. You never really are. I was in the same thought, I gotta stay strong for Mom and my neices and nephews(I have TONS of them lol), but at some point I broke. And guess what ? The breaking was the biggest relief. Your Mom, Im sure, recognizes your strength and values you for being there. But your Mom will also realize that you also need to mourn. So my point is let yourself mourn, but be there for your Mom. Dont concern yourself too much with whether or not your brother is there for your Mom. We all grieve in our own ways, this might just be his grieving process. But DO be there for him, because Im sure whether or not he realizes, he'll need your shoulder at some point.

[justme2905]

Thanks for taking the time to answer my post. I have had my share of tears and I know more will come in time. 2day mmakes one month and I think that I am just now comming 2 turms with the fact he is gone. Today I did not want to get out of bed but i came to realize that my father wants me to live my life and enjoy it.