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My Mother,theresa

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Hi,I'm new here so I guess I should introduce myself and why I am here.

My name is Annette and I was born and raised here in Phx, Az. My parents & I take care of each other in their home since 1968!

Last March my mother began having fainting episodes and I would have her checked at the local hospitals and sometimes they would keep her and run tests and then send her onto specialists. We basically got the run around,but no one could tell us why she was having these fainting episodes.

Last July 22 she had been asking/pleading for someone to come into the living room and eat dinner with her-but I was on the stupid computer. That night she had another fainting episode,but this time she wasn't breathing nor did she have a pulse.

The paramedics took her to the closest hospital (that we had purposenly avoided visiting) and even the drs there gave us the run around-telling us different diagnoses etc.

But to fast forward-the hospital refused to allow her to come home. They said she needed 24hour a day nursing and I couldn't provide it. So against my mothers wishes and against mine(with the POA) they placed her in a so-called assisted living facility.The hospital said if I fought them I would be turned into adult protective services! They said they place 65% of their patients into care facilities-they must get a percentage for kidnapping their patients!

My mother was BADLY neglected at the care facility..example, she kept falling out of bed-found naked-she pulled the picc line from her arm-and she pulled the stomach tube from herself..all within 5 days time!

She landed back in the hospital(a different one) but at this time we're told my mother had alheizmers and to contact Hospice whom got involved and got my mother home!

The last hospital didn't tell anyone however that my mother had a stomach bleed.The whole time my mother was home,she complained about stomach pain,her stools were black and the weekend before she passed, she wouldn't eat.And the last two days she was unconscious with a fever up to 105!

My mother had wanted her own bed and we thought we're doing right by having the hospital bed,but we could have tried to get her into the bathroom like she so wanted,instead of using briefs. If we had realized these were her last days.........

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I am so sorry for the extraordinarily botched medical care your Mother received. 'Botched' does not even begin to describe the hurt caused by these arrogant providers of medical services.

I am sorry, because my Mother got everything yours did not. My family shopped for doctors carefully, and we found several who gave us excellent care. Her life was prolonged. Her insurance covered all expenses. Family gathered two years in advance and made every effort to share my Mom's life. I was her caregiver for a few months near the end. Even her memorial service was beautiful. We could not have done better, because we had advanced notice and knew exactly what was going on.

You had none of that. Your Mom's passing was not just rough passage, it reads as a wrenching experience. If I could give you the sense of eased passing, of quality time, and of dignifying a mother's life, I'd do that now. Instead, things were done wrong and your mind is not at ease about it. Somehow you've got to come to terms with what happened, and expressing anger here seems entirely appropriate. My only advice is not to let this bad medical care detract from honoring your Mother in your own mind. Perhaps you can find ways to dignify this loss, to memorialize your Mother, if only by sharing here.

Ron B.

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Thank you Ron B!

My mother didn't deserve to go as she did.

I did have a counselor from hospice coming to our home-up till december but I guess she figured what I was feeling was on the right track. But when I found out about this forum I thought not only could I talk things thru,but perhaps help others in some manner too.

I did make sure she had her Frank Sinatra and Neil Diamond music at her funeral service :)

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  • 9 months later...

Hi- I haven't been around much I know :(

But I haven't stopped thinking about my mother.

Why didn't we let her keep her double bed instead of having to use the hospital bed? She didn't think she was home being in that hospital bed and it upset her so...

Why didn't we let her attempt to get to the washroom more often-instead of staying in the bed..



She was dying,why not let her be at peace!

We didn't know she was dying..but that doesn't help much

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Annette I'm so sorry about your Mom.. I'm so sorry to for your regrets and why's.

I sit here writing this thinking this exact time last year I had my Dad in my car doubled over in pain on the way to the hospital. His usual hospital had no urologist so rather than waiting and being sent on to another anyways I took him to another,the wrong one in my mind. Deep down I know probably nothing would have changed the outcome but I'm frustrated with myself right now wishing I could turn back time and get a second shot .....To take him elsewhere,to push more with the doctors and nurses......IF ONLY.

I just hope you know that you are not the only one with the why's,there's a lot of us here with you.

Sending love comfort and peace to you,


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  • 2 weeks later...

My mom died December 17, 2010. Besides the tremendous shock and disbelief, I have many why's and should haves very similar to those stated here. My mom lived with me for many years. I was her caregiver for two years with extra help at the end. She to wanted to be in her own bed and use the bathroom while at home these last few days. I was unable to give her that. Who knew her time was so short? In October I had taken her to day care for a few days to get her some socialization. After three days she actually said she wanted to stay. On the 29th day at this facility she asked to come home with me and attempted to pack (she was in a wheelchair). I said no because I did not have home care set up. The next day I inquired with a company to provide at home care. One hour later she fell at the group home and broke her neck. Talk about guilt - She died 17 days later in hospice with the last three days in a coma. I'm home now and still wait to hear her voice or call me on the phone. I jump at every noise thinking it is her falling. Counseling starts next week but what about Christmas? Why did this happen at all? Why didn't I bring her home? While in ER she begged for food and water and they would not let me give it to her. Why didn't I give her something? She had a stroke or something while in the ER and in my presence and never spoke or regained consciousness. There is more to this horror story but this is all I can say at this time.

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