Lost Both Parents In 5 Months

[eyegirl]

My mom died April 2009 and dad died Sept 2009. I still don't "get it". I often wonder how this happened. I was VERY close to my parents, now I have this huge void in my life...I don't get to call them a few times a day or go to visit them. It's still very strange.

I had a grief counselor come to talk to me once but realized that it just takes time. I'm not quite sure how much time...but I suppose it will get easier at some point. It seems that it has actually gotten worse...the longer it is, the more that I miss them.

[Ron B.]

Eyegirl,

I have lost both of my parents too, my Dad in 2002 and my Mom in late 2009. After my Mom passed recently, feelings of black despair tarred over every small joy of life. I'd sit for hours mouth agape in disbelief, often sobbing until exhausted. At least I was expressing my grief; that much was good. Other people are so shocked by losing a parent that they are emotionally numb. So it's hard for me to tell you how to grieve; I only know that we all have to find ways of dealing with this loss. "Getting it" has to do with understanding both in your head and in your heart who your parents were and who you are. You are their legacy, and it's up to you now to find a path forward. All that your parents imparted to you is still within you to guide you along your way. We generally also need help from friends and family to get us through this rough passage. These forums can provide excellent support; almost everybody here 'gets it' and can share their experience. I'm not sure how you feel about professional grief counseling; it does require a couple months and you have the choice between one-on-one counseling or participating in a group with other bereaved people like yourself. My grief has eased after 2 to 3 months, but only because I am going firmly through the grief and not around it. People here say avoiding the grief may only postpone it, and it may become harder to deal with at a later time. Just like you I have a long way to go before fully "getting" the passing of my parents. I lean heavily on this community for support, and I hope you find a place here as well.

Ron B.

[annette85035]

Whenever I visit my mothers area at the cemetary,I see so many others that have died near each other.

What is ironic is my mothers death was so shocking-people said if we had told them my father had died,they would not have been surprised,but not my mother!

Yes,its true-the more time passes the worse it gets AT FIRST.My husband died back in 1994 and my mother in 2009 Every man I would see would look like my husband.Every smell or sound would remind me of him..but in time,you get thru and then you don't realize that a day or a week or even a month has gone by.

[Slavica]

My father passed away 13 years ago, April 14 it will be 14 years. I still miss him. When I hear a song that he loved, or I read something I new he was intrested in... it's a bit easier, but I miss him. That year when he passed away, is a total blank. I don't remember anything. Just working and taking care of my child.

Mama passed away 23 days ago February 14; Mama was 80. She had a full life. I know she is at rest, but does not make it any easier.

Some days are better then others, I am 56 years old and some days I just cry for my Mama.... so, I have to take it one day at the time.... So, dear child, we both have to take it one day at a time.........

All I can tell you just as we all are diffrent, we all deal with things diffrently. Do want you need to do for yourself. If it means take out their pictures look at them and cry do it...