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Sorry I have not been on as much lately replying to everyone. My dad got the results of his MRI back and the Oncologist said that his brain is clear of cancer. I hope that is correct and he is not just a quack. The symptoms my dad has all point to brain tumor/cancer or a neurological issue. Maybe I am just thinking worst case scenario so I am not shocked again.

It sucks to see him like this. He already cannot do much because the tumor in his lung is the size of a football so he stays inside like everyday depressed and either sleeps or watches TV. Now he can barely watch TV because of these symptoms. He cant drive himself anywhere and he is feeling helpless. He wont say it, but I can see it. I really wish they would just figure it out already and help him. He lost all of his masculinity and now he is losing everything else in this too. It is just so sad.

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Shar

I am glad that nothing was seen in his brain on the MRI. I had two close & dear family members die of lung cancer. I wouldn't discount the lung tumor itself as causing some of the other symptoms, especially the fatigue, and perhaps even the headache. (If he isn't getting enough O2 that can happen)

Watch his fluid intake as well... as being dehydrated can cause other neuro-type symptoms.

One of the family members I lost had extreme fatigue as well for months before his passing. He also slowly stopped eating & drinking normally. I think that is considered sorta normal for someone terminal.

He ended up having mets to the brain but it was only at the very, very end.

It sucks to see him like this.

Yup I know it does hon. Very hard to see them get frail. Very hard to see them lose their independence. They have no control over what is going on in their bodies. Hard to watch for sure.

For both of my dear loved ones that passed this way... I became all about helping them die. Making the process of their passing as easy as possible. Helping them feel as empowered & dignified as possible. I was ALL concerned for their modesty. I was all about giving them as many choices.. no matter how seemingly insignificant... as possible. "Do you want the blinds opne all the way?? Half way? Up or down?" Where do you want your mug..?? book? etc>>" Meal choices as much as was possible.. beverage choices.. etc>>> Tried to give them as MANY choices as possible so they would feel IN control of SOMEthing.

When it was my Dad.. I also tried my best to help my Mom and make things as easy as possible for her too.

Mind you... me being all about helping them die helped me keep busy, focused on them and NOT feeling sorry for myself and extremely overwhelmed. (I got overwhelmed more afterwards.) But while they were dying... I cried in the shower.. in the car when driving alone etc. Painful?? You bet.. Difficult... absolutely. But helping both of them die was one of the best things I have ever done in my life I think.

It's awful.... terribly terribly hard. To say "good bye" is impossible. So I told them both I would see them later. And I believe I will. But helping them to say "good bye" was something so special to me. A very painful... gift. :)

((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))

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Leeann,

Thank you for your reply to my post! I am very strong for my dad. I make sure that he has whatever he needs and/or wants. I give him many choices to chose from when it comes to anything.

I am very strong for him and for my family. I find it easier to just cry in the shower where nobody knows because I don't want sympathy. I will deal with it on my own.

I appreciate how you explained what you did as a "painful...gift" I agree that is exactly what it is like. I go to my moms probably 5 times a week for a few hours a day. I feel bad that I dont go there everyday, but my heart cant take everyday and I need days to regain my composure so I am strong around my family.

Thank you again, as your words mean a lot to me and have helped me a little.

-Sharla

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Shar

I know that "I should be going there everyday" feeling too. I just couldn't either. But I was there most days for my Dad and I had to accept that I just couldn't be there everyday. It was such a challenging time... And I really can't tell you how I made it easier for myself or what made it less painful... because I am not sure that is possible. It just hurts.

Just know others have walked the path you are walking and we get it and know how very much this hurts.

(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

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