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I Don't Want To Get Up In The Morning

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I really am slipping. I drank quite a bit the night before last. That is not usual and I always control it and always stay at home.

But ever since finding out the news about my Mom, I have not wanted to get up in the morning. It is like this more and more. Yesterday I slept until nearly 3:00 in the afternoon. I just don't want to get up and face life. Everything seems so helpless and sad right now. One should awake with happiness, eagerness and hope. I have awakened daily for the last 3 weeks with sadness, dread and despair. I have never felt this insecure in all of my 45 years.

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I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't know what you are going through with your Mom, I cannot even comprehend it because I lost my Dad so suddenly and unexpectedly. But I can relate to to not wanting to get up in the mornings. More and more over the last 2 weeks I've found myself waking with one thought, I wish the day was over already, I can't do this.But I have to get up and go to work. I've been working 4 days since I came back, I go back to 5 days next week and I feel so sick over it. I sometimes get physically sick in the mornings still. Everyday just feels like groundhog day to me because I keep having to tell myself this is not changing, Dad is never coming home and like you I don't want to face life, I dont know how to live without him and nor do I want to, for now it's just a case of barely existing.

I hope maybe for your Mom you can get out of bed, to go be with her, spend precious time with her, chat with her and just be with her. Sometimes I wish I had the time with my Dad, sometimes I'm glad I didn't. It's VICIOUS either way but I know if I had the time with him, I would have spent every minute possible with him.

Right now I would give anything in this world for a minute with my Dad. I would put up with anything at all, any pain at all for the rest of my life for just one minute with my Dad.

I know there is nothing at all anyone can say to comfort you, nothing can help but I will send lots of hugs and love your way. Keep sharing with us here, keep talking with us.....

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I too can relate, the other day I stayed in bed until 4:30 in the afternoon, sleep is my escape at the moment, I have some good dreams when I am asleep and then I have to wake up and realize it was only a dream. Today I had to get up at 9 to be at work and I think it helped some. Then I spent the afternoon doing physical stuff to try to occup my mind, it worked for a while. I just wanted to put in my 2 cents worth and say you are not alone. I wish you some peace this weekend, Elizabeth

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Dear Aquarius,

As I read all the messages you've posted in our various forums since you first joined us, my heart goes out to you. I understand that your mother, whom you lovingly describe as your best friend, was diagnosed with cancer on April 22, and you've been struggling with anxiety and fear at the thought of losing her. I also understand that you live with your mom and you're having some issues with your siblings about that. Obviously you have a lot on your plate, and it's no wonder that you're feeling as you are. Apart from the caring and compassion you've received from our fellow members here, I don't know what, if any, additional support you have available ~ but I hope that you'll consider finding some. From what you've described, your mother is gravely ill, and it's important for you to be present for her in the time that you have left with each other. If all your energy is spent resisting what is happening to your mom and trying to keep a lid on your own anxiety, you'll have precious little left over for that. In addition to the support we'll continue to offer to you here, there are many resources (books, articles, organizations and Web sites) "out there" that can be very helpful to you right now, and they're aimed specifically at helping you cope with a cancer diagnosis. You'll find many of them listed on the Caregiving page of my Grief Healing Web site.

In one of your posts you asked, "How in the world do you go on when someone you love and have loved your entire life is diagnosed with cancer?! How do you talk to them? How do you act around them?" As I mentioned in an earlier post to another member, some excellent books have been written on this very subject that I believe would be of great help to you now, and I hope you'll look for them at your local library or bookstore:

Facing Death and Finding Hope: A Guide To The Emotional and Spiritual Care Of The Dying (Book)

Final Gifts : Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying (Book)

The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book about Living

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