Even Worse News About My Dad

[SHeiss]

So today is a HORRIBLE day I will never forget. The tests all came back and the cancer has spread to my dads brain. They want him to get a port implanted in his brain to treat him with chemotherapy. I feel like everyday we have him here is another day closer to him leaving this world. I am so angry right now I could scream. Weeks seem like hours and months seem like days. I am so tired of watching him suffer already and I know it will only get worse from here. I am so tired of wondering "why him?" but at the same time I have the right to know. If there is a God, why does he/or she allow this. I have not had faith in a very long time, but if I did it would be lost because of this.

Anyway, as always that you for listening to me. I am just very sad and very angry right now.

Sharla

[Aquarius7]

Sharla,

First of all, here is a HUG! ((((((( )))))))

I cannot say "I know how you feel", because I don't. But I can say that I can relate to how you feel. It just kills me knowing this is happening (and has happened) to millions of people around the world. Why?! I believe in God 100% and all I can do is trust Him. There are so many things that happen in life that I cannot understand why they happen.

I will tell you something else though. I am starting to think this whole cancer thing is a business! Yes, that's right! A business for doctors, a business for insurance agencies and a business for the government. Can a cure for this horrible thing not be discovered in 2010? I think it can but it is being kept from us by the government in order to control the population and to get rid of the elderly and anyone else that happens to get stricken by it. Call me crazy, but I think that. Look at how much else the government has hidden from us, covered up and lied about!

Watching my Mom's condition deteriorate by the week is simply killing me. We have done radiation and are waiting for the results. 6 weeks they told us for results! Why so long?! Do they know something they are not telling us? I just really cannot stand most of these doctors because to them it is all business.

I simply treasure every second I have with my Mom. Last night I cried and cried and cried. And tonight too. It does no good. I wish I could change everything and make it all go away. And I keep feeling horrible because we did not discover it sooner. Had we done so, we might not be in this horrible situation. My Mom is (always has been and always will be) my greatest treasure of my life.

[niamh]

Sharla sweetie,

I AM SOOOOOO SORRY to hear that , there's nothing at all I can say to you, I wish we could all have the answers.

(((((((HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS))))))

thinking of you hun, love and hugs

niamh

[SHeiss]

Thanks both. I was really very angry when I posted that yesterday as I had just found out. Aquarius - I am starting to think the same thing. I wish that my dad was older though. He is only 47 years old. I just hate this. I wish there was another way.

Niamh, as always my friend, thank you. I like that you understand me.

I am so thankful that I found this site because I am not sure what I would do with myself if I had not.

-Sharla

[mlg]

Sharla, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I haven't read enough of your posts to know if your dad is still lucid with all of this going on or if he is confused. You know that if he is capable of making decisions that he may come to a point where he doesn't want any more treatment. It is a very heart breaking moment, believe me. I understood Tom's decision and as a nurse realized there was probably no hope but it was still just another knife in the heart. I just wanted to kind of prepare you and hope I didn't hurt you with this.

Aquarius

The reason they wait a month or 6 weeks is because the radiation can still be killing cells and if they do the follow up too early the results may not be accurate. I know the wait is horrible, but just hang on.

My prayers for both of you and everyone else on this site.

[SHeiss]

Mary Linda,

Thank you for your response to my post. My dad is very lucid right now. he completely understands everything that is happening. I feel so sad for him. You did not hurt me by your post. I know my dad and I am actually surprised he keeps treating rather than telling everyone he wants to stop. I am a very strong person because of my dad, but I am a little wimpy sissy girl on the inside.

We just found out yesterday and when I went to his house after work he told me that I needed to be strong for my mom and sisters. Weirdly enough him saying that made me go from borderline mental breakdown to a feeling of numbness and hazy headed. He is right though. I have to be strong to get my family through all of this.

We actually have a BBQ tomorrow as his sister is in town and everyone is pressuring my dad to go. I am a little pissed off because whenever he says "it depends on how I feel" people almost beg him to come. I am ready to just start punching some of my family members in the face. They don't have to see him sick or help him when he is sick and for them to pressure him makes me so mad.

Sharla