Anyone Feel Your Personality Changed?

[emptyinside]

I feel like a completely different person after the death. I have these characteristics I didn't have before. I'm overthinking everything. I'm unsure of everything. I take things more personally, even benign things.

What prompted this was I was looking over some of my old letters to friends, and that person sounds so cheery and...well, NORMAL. Right now I've been feeling crazy, off balance, doubting myself at every turn. I don't even know myself anymore.

How do we begin to find our way back? Is that person long gone?

[Daughter2010]

Of course we change. Maybe not the entire personality traits but the way we react to certain things, events, and people. The way we observe life changes. I wouldn't expect me being all cheerie and bubbly after dad's passing. I guess it takes a while to find our new normal. We will always miss them and they will always be in our hearts and minds.

Going through grief helps us find our new normal. Finding purpose in our parents legacy also help us. I have found I don't like the same things I used to. There is nothing wrong with that, it is just different, and it is ok. I don't think you should expect going back to be that same person because you are not. It is a change, but I don't think is a bad one. Yes, our loved one's death is certainly devastating for us, but there is nothing we can do about that.

I have too been unsure about making decisions, and at times over thinking everything. However, I realized whether I like it or not I have to make one and see how it turns out (Of course if its a serious serious decision, make sure you analyze and sleep on it).

It is a matter of baby steps. I know it is difficult but we must do it. We must go forward, or at least try to. I have my terribly sad days, and others seem to go just ok. It happens, but I guess what works for me is thinking, well my dad is not here physically with me, he is somewhere God needs him most and while we reunite, I have more things I need to get done on earth, so I must keep on going and whenever I hesitate at something, I force myself to make a decision, and sometimes I find it was not the most appropriate one, but hey I gave it a shot. Other times, I find it turned out well.

What I would say is don't be too hard on yourself, little by little you will find a new normal. It may not be the same cheerie person from before, but it is going to be ok. We have managed to keep going after our loved ones passed, I think we will do ok.

Allow yourself to grieve, but also remember you need to be brave and keep going. Also, it is a good thing you can come here and talk about how you feel. I don't know how I would have managed had it not been for this forum.

Big hug for you,

-L

[niamh]

hi Em,

I too feel very different, my outlook on life is so very different and hasn't changed for the better to be honest, definitely for the worse, my priorities have changed so much, what I care about has changed significantly. I used to have such a positive outlook, even in the midst of anything tough or horrible, I always had some faith that there would be a way out of it, there was always a silver lining to the dark cloud.

Now I feel like I am in a black hole and there is no way out, this is me now, this is my life now. I feel so much of myself left with my Dad and is gone forever. I have a photo of me and my Dad on my phone, both smiling the biggest happiest smiles, I feel like I am looking at a stranger when I look at it, she is gone, that smile is gone, Dad is gone.

I just cannot joke around like I did before, nothing makes me laugh, nothing makes me feel chirpy and cheery.For me I try not to focus on these things. People tell me to try but I really don't know how one can "try to laugh", something is funny or it's not. I have changed and although I miss the old me as much as I miss my Dad I know I cannot bring her back because losing my Dad is now something that is a part of me forever, no matter where I go, what I do, this stays with me.

(((HUGS)))) and love to you Em, I know I haven't given you any ideas on how to find your way back, sorry hun, I simply have no clue.

Ni,

xx

[STARKISS]

Hi Em,

I do not think my personality changed much but I do suffer from depression now and before I didn't.. I am the opposite now though I did not change but I did stay the same and now it is so hard for me to change... I stay home all the time I rarely leave the house unless someone makes me leave... I would rather stay home than go out which is not good my therapists say... I need to make myself get up and go out more often and it is so hard to find a reason just to leave the house... Shelley

[Aquarius7]

Now I feel like I am in a black hole and there is no way out, this is me now, this is my life now. I feel so much of myself left with my Dad and is gone forever. I have a photo of me and my Dad on my phone, both smiling the biggest happiest smiles, I feel like I am looking at a stranger when I look at it, she is gone, that smile is gone, Dad is gone.

I just cannot joke around like I did before, nothing makes me laugh, nothing makes me feel chirpy and cheery.For me I try not to focus on these things. People tell me to try but I really don't know how one can "try to laugh", something is funny or it's not. I have changed and although I miss the old me as much as I miss my Dad I know I cannot bring her back because losing my Dad is now something that is a part of me forever, no matter where I go, what I do, this stays with me.

Niamh,

I read these paragraphs and broke down crying because it is so sad to read you feel this way. And also because I feel the exact same way about losing my precious Mom! Every time I see something that reminds me of my Mom, constantly (because EVERYTHING reminds me of her!) I feel so sad and helpless. There is no escaping it and there never will be. I lost the greatest friend I have ever had and will ever have. I will never be the same and my life will never be the same. I just don't know if I can keep going like this. I do not think that I can.

I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I think you and I have very similar situations and relationships with our lost parents; you with your Dad and me with my Mom, although losing my Mom is just making me miss my wonderful Dad (who I lost 15 years ago) so much more and making me realize just how much he loved me, even though he rarely showed it outwardly. I realize now more than ever how great my parents were and how much they loved me. I knew it when they were alive but realize it even more now that they are gone. I constantly think about the great times and the not so great times (which even seem not as bad compared to not having them alive). But mostly the great times (of which there were far more) and it is just killing me. Life was so much easier back then and so much better without a doubt, than now. Without them, little seems to matter anymore and priorities have changed completely. In fact, I feel completely lost without them. Even though people are around me, I feel all alone in the world. Crying heavily as I write all this.

I JUST WANT MY MOM AND DAD BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[niamh]

hi Aquarius,

aw I'm sorry my words made you cry. Yep I have reminders everywhere too, my Dad was just such an integral part of my life, actually he was my life so nothing I do escapes the fact that he is missing.

Oh I didn't realise you had lost your Dad already, wow, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of both of them being gone.........now that I am living my worst ever nightmare, I get so scared at the thought of the next nightmare (my Mom) but I try not to think of it, it's too much.

Yep I look back and think of some of the things that used to get me down and how sad I would be and now I realise that life was perfect, could not have been better because no matter what my Dad was always there so I could really handle anything at all.

Now I just float through this life, wishing it to fly by because just knowing the happiest times are truly over makes life so meaningless to me. My Mom was so upset 2 days ago saying how much she used to look forward to the weekends and spending time with my Dad (he still worked over 40hrs a week!) and now she feels she will never ever look forward to the weekends again.......all I could do was nod and agree.

I want my Daddy back so so much just like you want your parents back and this will be the one thing I pine for everyday for the rest of my time stuck here.

much hugs and love to you Aquarius,

Niamh

[fateful]

I feel like a completely different person after the death. I have these characteristics I didn't have before. I'm overthinking everything. I'm unsure of everything. I take things more personally, even benign things.

What prompted this was I was looking over some of my old letters to friends, and that person sounds so cheery and...well, NORMAL. Right now I've been feeling crazy, off balance, doubting myself at every turn. I don't even know myself anymore.

How do we begin to find our way back? Is that person long gone?

I know exactly how you feel!! Everything is reversed. I loved music and the more people around me the better I felt! Not the case anymore. Not even happy to be here. I would never do anything crazy but what is this all for? Was I living a dillusional life before and THIS is the real thing?? I see people going about their day and for what? I have wonderful children, husband, friends, but I am just floating around. As if I DID die. It sucks. I don't feel the one that has passed on is long gone. They had a purpose in our lives..to head to something bigger, better, more inspiring, to run to, to feel good about...just wish it would hurry up and get here cuz sadness sucks