MartyT Posted July 24, 2010 Report Share Posted July 24, 2010 Dear Ones ~ The following invitation comes to us from Stan Goldberg, cancer survivor, hospice volunteer and author of several books including Lessons for the Living: Stories of Forgiveness, Gratitude, and Courage at the End of Life -- a book I've read myself and highly recommend. (Learn more about the author on his Web site: Stan Goldberg, PhD, Leaning into Sharp Points: How to Deal with Life and Death My name is Stan Goldberg and I write on end-of-life issues and grief. I am beginning my next book and I'm requesting input from grief support groups on the book's premise and the topics I have chosen to include. THE PREMISE. Despite the love people feel for the person who is dying, they struggle during those final months, weeks, or days unsure of what to say or do. No one has taught them about the nuts and bolts of dying. No classes are offered on how to care for their loved one's emotional, spiritual, and psychological needs. And few books offer specifics. Not knowing how to deal with the approaching death of a loved one makes the grief they experience even more painful and difficult to overcome. My intention is to write a book that will be distributed to the general public covering 25 behaviors that I saw--as a hospice volunteer for eight years and a communications counselor for 30--that resulted in easier deaths for my patients, and reduced grieving for their families. I am still a hospice volunteer and counselor. Although information on helping loved ones die was in my last book, LESSONS FOR THE LIVING: STORIES OF FORGIVENESS, GRATITUDE, AND COURAGE AT THE END OF LIFE, because of space limitations, it was covered in less than seven pages in the appendix. My first question is do you believe that a book of this type might be beneficial to people who are about to lose a loved one? THE TOPICS. In serving more than 300 people over the past eight years I've found 25 behaviors that made death easier and reduced the grief experienced by loved ones during the dying process and afterwards. My second question is are there any suggestions you would add to the following list of 25? 1. Be kind to yourself 2. Sit when talking 3. Reduce noise 4. Balance help with allowing independence 5. Create a calm environment 6. Don't argue 7. Celebrate life 8. Don't expect interests to remain the same 9. Don't talk about the person as if he or she wasn't present 10. Listen more, talk less 11. Don't rely just on words to convey your feelings 12. Express compassion in little ways 13. Discuss dying if your loved one wants to 14. Why there is a need to complete unfinished business 15. How to say goodbye 16. Why you should forgive 17. Asking for forgiveness 18. Don't grieve excessively in their presence 19. Don't force food or drink 20. Give legitimacy to private experiences 21. Give permission to die 22. What to do as death is imminent 23. What to do for yourself after the moment of death 24. How to create a healing ritual 25. How to understand your grief Each of the above suggestions will be given an entire chapter, with the how of doing them clearly delineated and exemplified by my hospice and counseling experiences. I understand how complicated grief is. I hope to set the stage for making it less painful for those who lose a loved one. I appreciate all input. Thanks in advance for your help. Take Care, Stan Goldberg, Ph.D. firstname.lastname@example.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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