The 'bad' Stepchild

[Imadaddysgirl2]

When my father was dying, my stepmother kept urging him to try newer and different cures for a cancer that has never been cured. He would say no, then she would talk him into it. So, there were more therapies and, when the doctors finally insisted on hospice, she insisted on physical therapy for him. She was just in such denial. I was branded 'the bad child' because I wanted my dad to be out of suffering (which, of course, meant death). When Dad and I had few moments of alone time, he didn't want to do any therapies, and I supported his wishes. We just sat and talked. It was beautiful.

Now, my stepmother has extraordinary bills that she knew medicare and the insurance would not cover. And she wants me to help her pay for them!!! We are talking about $100,000+ in bills she incurred throughout Dad's illness. I'm not wealthy nor were they. She's afraid she will lose the house, and she wants to use the land that has been in my family that was expressly written in my Grandmother's will for my sister and I. Because Dad didn't leave a will, but a joint trust with her, I believe, but am not sure, that she has total control over my family's homesteaded land. I've had dreams of living on it, and however unlikely they are to come true, they are still my dreams.

I think it's horrific to watch someone you love waste away from 212 pounds to 115 pounds in just 8 months. It was so hard to lose Dad. Before the bills started coming in, I mentioned to my stepmother how angry I was that Dad died. I was just expressing my grieving process, not directing it to her. I wanted him to be out of pain, but I wanted him around for awhile longer, too.

She invited me to her grief share group, and I really opened up to her. This might have been a bad thing.

I'm sorry she is suffering this financial chaos now, and I understand that it's not an unusual thing with loved ones who have died with cancer. But I have my child to raise and a disabled husband.

And I really want Grandma's and Dad's land. I just feel very selfish for wanting it. She has a 2500+ sq. foot house and I live in an 1100+ sq. foot house.

So, she sent me all the paperwork to transfer the land to mine and my sister's name, and then rescended it after I talked about being mad at Dad for dying.

The worst part is that I really like my stepmother. I made up my mind before Dad died that I wanted her in my life, but now she won't respond to my emails or my phone calls. She just won't talk to me. I feel so rejected.

It's like losing two parents. And I'm feeling guilty because I was the bad kid.

Has anyone been the 'bad stepchild' before?

How did you handle it?

I'm really hurting here. I would appreciate your comments.

Thanks,

Renee

[niamh]

Hi Renee,

unfortunately I don't have any wise words for you because I have not been

in your situation. I am sorry for all the additional hurt you have, I hate seeing anybody

who has lost a loved one have to deal with so much more.

All I can do is offer my hope that you will have your dream.

You are in my thoughts

hugs and love to you Hun

Niamh