Feeling Terrible

[MZM]

i feel terrible posting so much negative stuff on here and only days apart...but im really struggling... two/three weeks ago I used to have atleast one or two good days since the accident (8 weeks ago), but this last week, since last friday, i havent had a single ok day. I feel like the grief is just following me everywhere. No matter what I do i feel this sadness and pain and I just cant stop hurting and crying. I cant stop thinking about the memories and cant stop reliving the accident and wondering what I couldve done or how I could change it..Today, I just want to send him an email! We used to email each other while we were both at work, everyday... even simple things like "eating lunch and missing you" or planning holidays. All i want is to get a reply and I can never get it nor send him an email... im really at an all time low this week...

[Cheryl]

MZM, I understand. I have been in the same place as you before. In fact I've been there frequently. You are feeling acute grief. During times of acute grief I find that I need to rest and grieve. These are the times when I feel like I could be loosing my mind, life feels overwhelming and very confusing. It is part of the grief journey. I think you will find that these periods of time will come and go. I often will cry for a while, write for a while and then sleep. Sometimes I will listen to music, lie in the hammock or go for a very short walk. It helps me to talk to someone I am close to and who can handle my pain, just bearing my soul to them helps me get through. Don't set high expectations on yourself when you are feeling this way. Be gentle on yourself and try not to beat yourself up for not feeling better. I find that acute grief comes less frequently now and that I am more excepting of these episodes. I am so sorry that you are having a rough week. I hope you find some relief quickly. Once I get through a period of acute grief I feel invigorated and relieved. I have new energy and understanding. I hope this happens for you as well. Hugs! Cheryl

[MZM]

Ahhh thank you Cheryl. I needed a positive message like that one...especially today. I guess I really have to allow myself to just go through it knowing that a good day will come and I just have to be gentle and patient with myself like you say...

I guess I have been expecting to feel better after a week of such deep sadness...but i have to just understand that this is the way it is and it will get better...

Hugs and lots of love to you!

[Lindakay]

i feel terrible posting so much negative stuff on here and only days apart...but im really struggling... two/three weeks ago I used to have atleast one or two good days since the accident (8 weeks ago), but this last week, since last friday, i havent had a single ok day. I feel like the grief is just following me everywhere. No matter what I do i feel this sadness and pain and I just cant stop hurting and crying. I cant stop thinking about the memories and cant stop reliving the accident and wondering what I couldve done or how I could change it..Today, I just want to send him an email! We used to email each other while we were both at work, everyday... even simple things like "eating lunch and missing you" or planning holidays. All i want is to get a reply and I can never get it nor send him an email... im really at an all time low this week...

I understand what she answered you about accute grief. Only occasionally I go through that. Mine was relieving the day I came home and found he had committed suicide. It was like I was there again. Hearing a song that mattered to both of us will trigger it sometimes.He had chronic depression and warned me the day may come. It didn't help when it did. I'd always had talked him out of his mood before. Doesn't matter if they were sick and it took a while or sudden or planned as mine did. They're still gone and you still didn't want them to go. Mine wanted me to start over and try to be happy for the rest of my life. He knew I was hurting for him. I'm a happy person by nature and I was drowning in sorrow for feeling helpless to help the one I loved most.He called me the light and he was the dark. Linda kay

[Korina]

Just concentrate on getting from one moment to the next, one day to the next. There are going to be okay times, and really really hard days. But it is good that you are acknowledging your grief and writing about it - in the long run, it will really help.

Hugs,

Korina