Am I Being Unreasonable?

[Lostdaughter]

I go to this support group for depression and a woman there gave my phone number to a woman I'd never even met, telling her to call me and that we have a lot in common. We really don't.

Anyway, the woman I had never met called me on Thursday. She told me her life is h*ll and that she is having crying spells (she deals with bipolar). I did speak with her for over an hour that day. However, she called me again on Friday, Saturday and today (Sunday). I have not returned her calls. She has had the same job for 14 years and is just having a tough time.

My feeling is that it was really not ok for this other woman (with whom I have been friends) to give her my number without notifying me or even asking me if it was ok (although my number is listed on the group list, which I am thinking of removing. I am ok with anyone emailing me and I will respond, but phone calls can be draining). It hasn't even been a month since Dad died and I am finally feeling like life might go on and I have many of my own problems (unemployed, no income, high insurance premiums, etc). Anyway, I feel like I have nothing to give and I'm really not happy that this stranger keeps calling. What should I do? I just want to be left alone right now yet I know she could use some support but I don't even know her yet I don't want her feelings hurt. Thanks for any responses.

[Lindakay]

Phone calls are invasive. I met a few after Scott died. Wanting me to be buddies and then telling you they have all kinds of bi polar/family problems. They can unburden to you but try to censor what you bring up. I just don't answer the phone unless I see on caller ID. Life is complicated enough with bearing everyone's burdens and time is too precious to be on their needy list. It may sound callus but e mail and groups like this are great. They shouldn't have given your phone number out. Change it.LindaKay

[Lostdaughter]

Thanks Lindakay. Phone calls are invasive and they can suck up a lot of time and be draining. I agree with you completely on everything except changing my phone number. If I got through last year's similar situation without doing so, I sure can this time around.

Last year I met another woman and she had a lot of problems. She called me 40!!! (yes, that is forty) times in a row over three weeks and would not stop, in spite of the fact I sent her emails telling her to and that I'd be happy to communicate via email. It got to the point I called the police but did not make an issue of it. She FINALLY stopped and this was after 40 calls and another woman telling her she was driving me crazy. So I am quite sensitive to this these days.

Life is complicated enough with bearing everyone's burdens and time is too precious to be on their needy list. Isn't this the truth!

[niamh]

hi Lostdaughter,

This was very wrong of someone to give out your number, tell someone to call you without running this by your first. Personally I would remove your number from the list. I find it very difficult at times to talk to life long friends on the phone, not to mind strangers calling up with their problems. Right now you need the focus to be on you.

I would ask this woman at group not to give your number out again explaining to her that it is too much for you at the moment. I would also politely tell this other person calling you that you are not comfortable with talking on the phone at the moment and that you need some space. It is not fair for someone you don't really know to offload their problems on you during this awful time, you have more than enough to deal with yourself.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this now aswell. I agree with Lindakay regarding sites like this, people can respond, reply when they are up to it and there is no pressure to if people just don't feel like or don't want to, we all understand.

hugs to you

Niamh

[Lostdaughter]

Thanks, Niamh. It takes all kinds. I got a call from the woman who gave out my phone number today telling me she couldn't get out of bed. So since I know her and we've been friends for some time, of course I returned the phone call. Turns out she was just tired (not depressed) and is about to go out to dinner. She also told me I could give this other person a call as she's having issues. So...it was just a ploy to get me to make a phone call I don't want to make, it would seem. I told her I'd sent an email to this other woman and told this other woman to feel free to email me and I'll respond, but that I don't feel like talking on the phone now. Yikes. I am going to defend my boundaries right now.

Truth be told, it's been 11 months I've been depressed day after day (which just got worse when Dad went into hospice) and it's only been since a couple days ago I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. I can't explain it. Perhaps it's because I truly believe my Dad is in a better place (I know one isn't supposed to say that but he was certainly not in a good place for the last few years of his life - or more than this), I've passed yet another old Birthday, and I'm realizing that life is short and I cannot waste time and energy anymore.

I know you miss your Dad terribly and I am hoping that things are getting slightly better for you. I know our circumstances were very different, but I truly hope you find some peace and soon. Hang in there my dear. I believe we CAN get through this. BTW, a friend gave me a book called "Life After Loss," by Bob Deits. I am finding it to really ring true and it is helping me to feel better.

Here is the link...they have it used if you like.

http://www.amazon.co...85633683&sr=1-1

Take care dear and thanks.

Kathryn