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STARKISS

Keeping Busy

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Hi All,

I am keeping very busy now, I have two therapists and they want me to slow down... They think that the only reason for me keeping very busy is so that I have no time to grief or to think of the people I lost... They think that I am trying to avoid my emotions so that I will not cry anymore...

I think that I like the busyness of my week and that in some way I guess they are right...

I do try to keep myself busy so that I have less time to think about my mom and dad, I figure if I am busy all the time I won't cry anymore and I do not have to face the fact that I am grieving still after five years... But I guess I do have to slow down but I am just so scared that I might start to cry and will not be able to stop... Shelley

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Shelley, dear ~ It's really hard for me to evaluate what your therapists are telling you, because I don't know the basis of their concern. You said "I think I like the busyness of my week." Is your "busyness" causing you any distress or added anxiety? Is it getting in the way of your daily activities? How has it affected your overall mood? Has it affected your ability to sleep? Is your appetite still okay, or are you gaining or losing weight you cannot afford to gain or lose? Are you getting sufficient rest and exercise? Is this busyness impairing your ability to do a good job when you are at work? Are you able to focus on the task at hand? Do you like (love?) what you are doing? Does it make you feel any better about yourself?

There is nothing inherently wrong with keeping busy, especially at this point in your grief journey -- unless it is hurting you in some way. Is it possible that your busyness is preventing you from working on whatever issues your therapists are encouraging you to focus on in therapy right now?

Maybe this is something you can explore in more detail with your therapists next time you see them.

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Hi Marty,

I think that my therapist's are worried about me keeping so busy that I do not have time to grieve my parents anymore... They fear that when I stop being so busy that I am going to be depressed again and I will feel suicidal again... I do keep busy so that I do not have to think of my past and I think that my therapists are worried that I want to forget everything so I do not have to deal with it anymore...They fear that I am going to make myself burn out too... Shelley

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Hi Shelley, I have been going through those same issues. Below is my journal entry from a few days ago

October 11, 2010

I've been busy for the last few days. Staying busy helps to keep my mind off of my sorrows for a little while but I'm finding out that I can't hide from grief, it always finds me. I can't run from it either because it always catches up to me. Grief cannot be denied because it is too overwhelming. Keeping busy only postpones grief because it is a process that must be carried out in order for healing to take place. I'm discovering that grief is like the recovery process after a person has a part of themselves amputated. With Mary's death I feel like a part of me was amputated and now I must go through the recovery process in order for the wound to heal. I must also learn to adapt to life without that part of me. So I find that grief is a natural and necessary process that has to be gone through and not avoided in order for healing to take place in my heart.

I don't know if this helps or not but I thought I would share it.

God Bless You

Jay

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Hi Jay,

Yes it does help, and I think that I have been trying to avoid anymore of my grief because it hurts so very much... It has been five years since I lost my parents and I am still suffering... This past Thanksgiving Day I wish I was dead so that I could celebrate the holiday with my mom... I was so depressed and I spent the weekend all alone because I did not want to celebrate it with anyone else... Shelley

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