Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Grief And Self-Confidence

Recommended Posts

I notice that I am making some progress. I cry for shorter periods of time now and am able to get more done. I still have setbacks - or "aftershocks" as a widow friend said. But I no longer have enormous sobbing sessions in the mornings like I did just a week or so ago. I cry for a few minutes, and then try to do something practical. I am going back to work on the 18th, but I've been allowed to come and go according to my moods, which helps.

I still miss my husband terribly and sometimes get stuck in a negative spiral of thoughts - what ifs and if onlys. But sessions with my grief counselor has helped me to learn how to break those spirals. It works most of the time, if not always. I still feel sadness and loneliness, I still think about what he would have said or done had he been with me here in the house, walking the dog in the woods, having dinner with my son and I, etc. I will never stop missing him and wishing he hadn't died.

But as I said, I think I will be able to get through this battle - scarred, but surviving.

One thing I notice though - I feel my self-confidence has deteriorated. This is strange, since I'm in charge of a lot more now than before. I manage our financial situation, do whatever jobs around the house that I can handle, got the car fixed and the winter tires on, and take car of my youngest son and our dog.

But outside in the "real world" I feel like less of a person. It's always been "us" and "we" - I was part of a couple, a team. Now it's just me. I feel as though my status has been reduced and that people just feel sorry for me. My self-confidence has taken a blow. It might be because I'm a little scared I won't be able to continue to be strong. When you're part of a couple, you can allow yourself to lean on the other person when you're tired or worried. Now there is no one to lean on and I'm afraid I won't be able to manage everything on my own over time.


Link to comment
Share on other sites


It sounds like you are coming out of the deep abyss that you've (we've) all been in and that is wonderful. Reading your post this morning, I could see that you sound so much better. Your grief counsillor must be helping you alot, as well as you beginning to feel better about things.

The "aftershocks " I think are something we all get, and I wonder if they ever really stop. I have a close friend that lost her husband 25 years ago, she says she still gets them.

Good for you going back to work, just remember to go at your own pace. Some days will be better than others, I would think, trying is all you can do.

Your self confidence does come back, I think it takes time, as you said, it was always "us" that made decisions and now it is "me".I made major decisions two months after Lars passed, it was a boost to be able to know I made the right choices during a time when I was sure at times I was losing my mind. Every thing that you decide on, whether it be small or large,gives you the self confidence you need. It sounds like you're doing that already.

Wishing you a good day,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Melina, I understand what you mean about your self confidence, mine is very fragile. I think it is because we now truly understand how fragile our lives are, and that they can change in an instant. I think the self confidence comes back as time goes on. It is hard to be the "one" making all the decisions, when before it was always "us".

Lainey, I like the "aftershock" analogy. I talked to a friend yesterday who lost her husband to cancer 12 years ago. She, herself, is a breast cancer survivor, and recently was ask to tell her story at a Mary Kay Convention she was attending. She told her story, but she said she could not help but cry when talking about her husband. I think for the rest of our lives we will have these "aftershocks". This woman has regained her self confidence, she is a very successful MK consultant, travels to visit her children in other states. I think we will regain our self confidence over time.

At this time however, I question every decision I make, wondering if it is right, and if it is what Mike would do.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...