melina Posted October 13, 2010 Report Share Posted October 13, 2010 I notice that I am making some progress. I cry for shorter periods of time now and am able to get more done. I still have setbacks - or "aftershocks" as a widow friend said. But I no longer have enormous sobbing sessions in the mornings like I did just a week or so ago. I cry for a few minutes, and then try to do something practical. I am going back to work on the 18th, but I've been allowed to come and go according to my moods, which helps. I still miss my husband terribly and sometimes get stuck in a negative spiral of thoughts - what ifs and if onlys. But sessions with my grief counselor has helped me to learn how to break those spirals. It works most of the time, if not always. I still feel sadness and loneliness, I still think about what he would have said or done had he been with me here in the house, walking the dog in the woods, having dinner with my son and I, etc. I will never stop missing him and wishing he hadn't died. But as I said, I think I will be able to get through this battle - scarred, but surviving. One thing I notice though - I feel my self-confidence has deteriorated. This is strange, since I'm in charge of a lot more now than before. I manage our financial situation, do whatever jobs around the house that I can handle, got the car fixed and the winter tires on, and take car of my youngest son and our dog. But outside in the "real world" I feel like less of a person. It's always been "us" and "we" - I was part of a couple, a team. Now it's just me. I feel as though my status has been reduced and that people just feel sorry for me. My self-confidence has taken a blow. It might be because I'm a little scared I won't be able to continue to be strong. When you're part of a couple, you can allow yourself to lean on the other person when you're tired or worried. Now there is no one to lean on and I'm afraid I won't be able to manage everything on my own over time. Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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