Multiple Health Issues...hard To Manage Alone...weeping Just Weeping T

[sunstreet]

I have traumatic hearing loss that is progressive and yesterday had my hearing aids adjusted some more due to my hearing declining some more. My audiologist informed me that my current hearing aids have no more room for adjustment now. There are more expensive hearing aids that would give me more room for adjustments as my hearing loss continues to decline but I can ill afford them. My audiologist also informed me that now would be a good time to begin the process of learning sign language as eventually hearing aids will be of no help to me. I took a speech reach reading course last year. I went through Crime Victim Services to get my current hearing aids and to get these new ones I would have to go through the whole process of applying again apparently. Giving a victim impact statement again! Reliving the trauma's again! Somehow it seems so unfair to me. I feel so alone.

I am also a type 1 diabetic and have developed some neropathy in my legs and feet. I feel so angry that this has happened. I have done so well managing my diabetes over the years despite the abuse I was raised in. My endocrinologist says I am lucky as my neuropathy is minimal and could be much worse. She says I am her model patient. I don't feel lucky!!

I also live with lupus and recently ended up in hospital with a flare up. I am so tired of managing it all. I so want someone to hold me when I weep. It is so hard to feel so much all alone. I have no friends, my own fault really I don't let people in. I let one person in, my soulmate, the love of my life, she took her own life. I have not let anyone in since.

I also survived endometrial cancer and faced that alone. I have to go for MRI's for the rest of my life I was told to ensure no cancer is brewing anywhere else.

My finances are adding so much pressure as my health concerns, and grieving, has rendered me not fit for work. I feel grateful that I have benefits from work and am recieving disabilty payments but it is only 70% of my wage. I am already in the category of the working poor at 100% of my wage.

My heart weeps this morning....just weeps.

Blessings, Carol Ann

My heart feels so heavy this morning. Thanks for listening.

Blessings, Carol Ann

[MartyT]

Carol Ann, dear ~ I'm so sorry that you are bearing so many burdens at once. My heart aches for you. None of it is fair, or "right" or justified ~ it just is ~ but that does not mean that you deserve any of it. Please know that we are thinking of you and holding you close. I know it doesn't change a thing, but I hope knowing we are here for you and listening to you will help you to feel less alone and isolated. Your presence on this site is so helpful to all of us, so important, and so valued. ♥

[sunstreet]

Marty, thank you very much. I love that saying Marty..."it just is". Thank you for reminding me. When I read it I thought of Doris Day singing Que Sera Sera ~ Whatever will be, will be. Thanks so much Marty. Sometimes I can get so bogged down in feeling states that I loose touch with the fact that "it just is".

Marty, it does help me to feel less alone and isolated to know that you all are here listening to me, supporting me.

I spent the day by the water yesterday where I feel very close to Melissa and to God. Sometimes the best thing I can do for myself is to change my environment which seems to help my feeling state change as well.

Today I begin the task of filling out the CVAP application for additional funding.

Thank you again, Marty.

Blessings, Carol Ann

[Aquarius7]

Carol Ann,

I am so sorry about what you are going through. You are in my prayers! We are all here for each other!

HUGS! ((((((( )))))))

[sunstreet]

Carol Ann,

I am so sorry about what you are going through. You are in my prayers! We are all here for each other!

HUGS! ((((((( )))))))

Dear Aquarius7,

Thank you for your empathy. I am so sorry for your loss as well. WE are here for each other! May you weather your journey well.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann