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I got a phone call at work early this morning - one of my best friends that I work with had gone into a grand mal seizure in her sleep last night and was now in intensive care on a respirator in a hospital in Boston.

Of course my concern should have been about my friend.....but all that I could see was what happened to my husband on the night HE died. The night that HE had a seizure, when HE went into cardiac arrest, when I had to do cpr on HIM....and HE still died.

My girlfriend is now off the respirator and is doing better, they can't figure out what caused the seizure. Thank God she is going to be fine.

My husband is dead, and I feel like the trauma of that night has just hit me full force, four months later.

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I can relate. I just got a message that a friend's husband has just been diagnosed with cancer with an anticipated three weeks to live and while I feel for her, I keep thinking of my Clint who was diagnosed and died within four days (October 2010). I wish the best for her and her husband and that maybe the doctors are wrong..that he can be treated successfully. Every time I hear of a new diagnosis or emergency it takes me back to when Clint died...

This isn't unusual for us in the early stages of our grieving process, I'm told. I do hope these reactions fade with time.

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