Want To Share

[Lainey]

I have always been a very optomistic,happy person until last March when Lars was diagnosed with bladder cancer. To make a long story short, the diagnosis came too late, he had a huge operation that caused him to need an ostomy bag. Trying to learn how to cope with all the accidents that caused, along with taking him to therapy, etc. made me tired, angry, bitter, anything negative. In June and August the cancer tests came back showing he was in remission, then Bang..Oct's tests showed it was back. By Dec 11,2009 he had lost the fight and I was even more negative.

Because I really didn't like the person I was becoming, I decided to take a bereavement class and it has changed my whole attitude.I was informed that there was a Griefshare program in my area so I enrolled immediately.This is a course that is run by facilators that have lost a loved one and have gone through the program.

Every Wed, night we would watch a twenty minute video, then have an hour discussion with the small group I was in. We discussed the video and whatever thought or feeling we needed to talk about.I was amazed at the things I learned, secondary anger,writing a grief letter to friends,how we get stuck in grief and on and on.

A few weeks ago, the video was about letting go of the relationship so that we could move on in our life. I was aghast.. If I let go I would be saying Good-bye and in no way was I ready to do that. Little by little, the more I thought about this, I realized that I will never forget Lars, he was a part of my life for forty-one years, he will always be a large part of who I am. I will always have the happy memories.At this time I became aware that whenever I was really down, I twisted my rings on my finger. I made the decision that it was time to buy what I call my "Memory" ring and put the others away.By no means am I ready to find a new relationship, it was just my way of putting that part of my behind me. Was it hard?? God yes, to make the transition easier, my rings from Lars are in our sons safe at his house. That way I couldn't keep going back to them, his wedding band is still on the chain around my neck.

Since I have done this, I feel like I am much readier to face the world. My negativity is just about gone, I am much happier in the sense that I can once again enjoy my family and friends, I can laugh again without feeling guilty. I'm not saying that taking rings off will solve all the problems. I am saying that anyone who has access to a good griefshare program should look into it.It has been a life line to me and I just wanted to share this.

You can find their web site at www,griefshare.org. They have a network of thousands of support groups throughout the world.

Sorry I've been so long winded.

Lainey

[Queeniemary]

Lainey, I find your post about the Griefshare groups very interesting. I have not gone to any support groups, depending on my two other friends in same situation to be my support. And they have been, very much so, however, we are all at different stages in this journey. We meet once a month (other times too, but with other people around) just the three of us, and are able to talk about how we are feeling to each other, something we cannot do with friends who have not experienced the same loss. However, I feel that I am stagnating, not moving forward, like I am waiting for something to happen....and it doesn't happen. I think it may be time for me to move more forward, and I am going to explore the Griefshare groups in our area. The closest one I can find is in Branson (about 30 minutes away), and in the evening, so that will be a problem for me.I have cataracts that are not quite ready for surgery and night driving is a little difficult for me. However, my friend Tom, who lost his wife to cancer might be interested also, and if so, we could ride together.

Anyway, I appreciated the information, and your post very much. It is hard to let go, and I know the time has to come eventually, and I think I may not be able to do it alone.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[sunstreet]

Lainey,

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing more of yourself. Thank you for telling us about some more healing for you. Thank you for sharing what has helped you in your journey. I acknowledge your courage in doing so.

I do not think you need to apologize at all.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann