Feeling Dislocated From Everything

[beakerj]

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to ask about a specific feeling that I've had since my Mum died (along with lots of others), but I wanted to single it out & ask about it. I feel so dislocated from my normal reality, I sometimes wonder if I really spent the previous 42 years, before she died, on this planet. I kind of feel like everything is too bright, too loud, I cringe when I hear or read about anything hard happening in the world anywhere (things I normally wouldn't like, obviously, but wouldn't react hugely to), I can't read the kinds of books I normally read (Detective novels etc), watch TV & movies unless it's really stupid stuff.The world seems so big. It's like all hard & difficult things seem unbearable. I know that nothing has actually changed except for my perspective, but that's not how it feels. I normally work in quite a stressful environment, with teenagers with 'issues' etc, & that me just seems a world away. Any wisdom?

Thanks,

Becka

[sunstreet]

Dear Becka,

I believe what you are experiencing is a very normal reaction to loosing your Mother, especially when you were as close as you and she were. When you loose a parent, I think it shakes the very foundation of who we are and causes us to question many aspects of life. Of course you feel dislocated from your normal reality, because your reality is not what it use to be. I remember feeling like I was in some sort of tunnel, in some kind of dream, I also felt hypersensitive and things were to bright , to loud, etc. In some ways for me it felt like I had just been pushed out of an airplane with no parachute.

Becka, I encourage you to just take care of the basics, feed yourself, plenty of rest, a wee little walk each day, as this path is a difficult one and we need the best suit of armour we can muster to move through it. One moment at a time Becka.

Becka, I am so sorry for your loss and your feeling of being dislocated from your life. I want to share with you Becka that for me in time it changed and I moved through that part of my loss. I want to acknowledge your courage and to encourage you that you are so normal and keep talking. There is no need to walk along this path alone.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[SHeiss]

Becka,

I lost my dad a month ago to date. I feel the same way. I feel like everything is fake and we are all in this pretend place. I feel alone when I am in a room full of people. I feel like there is no point to living your life (not suicidal I just feel like who cares if I stay inside my apartment and never do anything ever again) or meeting new people because what is the point if we all just die. We make friends and we make families for what? So we can just die on them? Or they can die on us? People grate on my nerves a whole lot easier than they used to. I hate everything. I want to cry because I miss my dad who I feel my time with was cut short and I am "pissed off" about it but I cant force a single tear to come out most days. I just don't see the point in accomplishing any goals I used to have set for myself... who cares. I suppose I have become numb and apathetic to everything. So, the feeling of being "dislocated" I know what you mean.

[beakerj]

Thanks for replying guys - it really means a lot to me that people who really know what I mean take the time to reply & share their thoughts & love.

@Carol Anne: I'm so glad these feelings have passes for you. It seems like insult to injury that as well as dealing with the loss of someone we adored, we also get all this grief weirdness to contend with. I had the chance for a long conversation with a good friend of mine who is a Clinical Psychologist in his day job. He told me that everything I'd listed for him (that I wrote here) was common & predictable, & a normal part of my mind etc trying to make sense of my new situation. The fact that my Mum isn't there is such a huge thing to me that the pain & shock has cast a shadow over all of my reality, which I now have to process.He also said he'd never seen anyone get stuck at this stage, & he deals with a lot of serious trauma. So that was reassuring. I also realised I'd feel a lot more dislocated if anything had changed in reality around me, except at the relationship level,...it's more that I recognise it, but feel so different that makes me feel weird. Does that make sense? I'm trying to take care of myself, & am at least eating semi-normally now...thanks for the reminder.

@SHeissI read your reply, & your post about it being a month today. I know we all suffer differently, but I think we're experiencing very similar things. A lot of mine started before my Mum died, & so I've been on medication etc for a while & it has helped.It also helps to find someone/somewhere that you can tell how you are really feeling. I've stopped telling my husband stuff, mostly, for now, as he has found having me so unwell really hard, & he has to live with me. But I so feel for you. I miss my Mum so much, but at least am crying now, this morning I heard one of the songs that was played at her funeral on the radio & just wailed. Hang in there, & go & get some help.

Big love & hugs to both of you XXX

[niamh]

hi Becka, Sharla,

I'm right there with you both with these feelings. I sometimes wonder how real my old life was, did I really have such happiness, where has it all gone, how could it all be shattered in one split second never to be made right again.

Sometimes I find myself just looking around at everyone questioning why are we all here,not as individuals but the world as a whole, I wonder how truly real is this world, how real are we ? Am I really just a temporary shell for my soul, why can't I just shed that shell and go onto the next place if it exists, why can't I just go to my Dad if he can't come back to me.

I feel like I'm just floating through now with the heaviest heart and it's just another year of the same thing, the same pain and loneliness, same longing for my Dad, for my old life, for the simply impossible

sending hugs and love to all of you,

xox