Dad's Family Never Talk About Him

[niamh]

We had a couple of family get togethers in December, for the first anniversary and for New Years & they included some of my Dad's family that he was close to. Often these occassions they will be talking about the old times, telling stories of when they were kids etc but rarely is my Dad mentioned in these stories & if he's mentioned it's almost like a token mention.

On NYE I just got so so sick of listening to "their" own stories, I wanted to hear things about my Dad & just wanted to tell them to shut up talking about themselves.

I can't reminisce myself, nor with my Mom, I guess because I am part of those memories it's still WAY TOO PAINFUL. But hearing stories of Dad as a child, growing up, I wasnt part of that so I can listen sometimes but nobody tells them. Our family is so tiny and sometimes I think the day will come when there won't be anyone here to talk of him growing up and that scares me. It makes me miss my Gran loads too, who I was very close to, wishing I had the interest in history when she was still here but I was young and had "better things to do".

I don't want it to be forced, I don't want to have to actually ask them to tell me the stories.

What's horrible too at these get togethers is the times I would go to say something, sometimes I wouldn't be heard and they would keep talking so I would just keep quiet then, other times I'd tell my story but all the time the one thing missing is the face of my Dad, the interest he'd show, beaming with love and pride, nobody else shows the interest he did. And the times I've been "ignored" again my Dad missing to say "you were about to say .......", he didn't only do this with me, he would always ensure ANYONE would get their say because he took notice of everything and everyone, he was so far from self absorbed.

I know so many of you had Dads like this too ...............are we only given ONE single person like this in our lives, sometimes I wish I just knew someone who is even quarter the man my Dad was but as far as I can see they don't even hit 1% of what Dad was.

UGH I just wish I could wake up from this nightmare,

Niamh

[hello123]

Hey Niamh,

know EXACTLY what you mean, like he was the only one considerate enough always thinking of others and now nobody else seems to be, its so awful and feels unfair because they were such nice people and you can find small faults with everyone but you think he actually didnt have them, not that anyone deserves this but some people do more than others and our dads were like the least deserving always made the atmosphere better, but just goes to show the statement "everything happens for a reason" isnt true and stuff happens you cant explain and is unfair but we cant change it xxxx

[hazleprew]

I get where your coming from when you say no one compares....i leaned on my mother for pretty much everything, she was my safety net and would show up to events and things that i and my children were involved in when other peoples parents would find it unessescary. She loved my children with all of her heart and would come to play with them daily. We spent alot of our time together because my father and my husband both work away from home. She was so self sacrificing and empathetic. No one will ever compare. and i agree with you, im 25....and i think to myself, im never going to share that sort of relationship with anyone again, i have to live more of my life without my true best friend than i did with? How does one get over that?

[niamh]

aw Hazleprew I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Mom.

Yep it's scary to think that noone will ever be there for us like a parent, it's too unique a relationship. I was 34 when I lost Dad and although I do my best not to think of it sometimes thoughts of being in this world for another 30, 40, maybe even 50 years without him, come into my head and I simply don't want to be here that long more. But I try to just get through minute by minute and not think of future as much as I can do.

I think the best I can do is live with it, I certainly don't think I'll ever get over it, to me the best happiest days are over with, it can never be like it was before, I can never be like I was before :-(

I miss those days of having "stupid" worries, I'd take them all back a hundred times over, 365 days a year as long as my Dad was here to share everything with.

*SIGH*

I hope you will at least find some small comfort somehow knowing there so many people here who can relate to you,

sending you a big hug, love and peace,

Niamh