So Confused..

[roa11610]

okay so, i think im in the right place here, for a while ive just been so down, feeling tired all the time and hopeless, not being able to sleep and just not being myself, i didnt think it was grief untill couple days ago when i was researching why i coulb be the way i am and it led me to an nhs website. then i realised that it was that everything from from the past few months had caught up on me, my grandad died in july last year and i was devastated, i had always been so close to him and he had been like a father for me as my dad had left when i was young. After the initial shock i kinda just ignored it all, and pretended it wasnt happening and tried to go on like normal which i know it isnt the best thing to do but i just couldnt face it, i used to see him all the time and he always spoilt me and looked after me and then for him to not suddenly be there, i couldnt take it. his death was unexpected, he became seriously ill and died within 2 months.The whole family took it hard and expecially my mum, she would always be round my nans so id normally be at home one my own and if she was ever home she would just drink, that was her way of coping i guess but she done it for a couple of months, and she would become nasty when she was drunk to me and my step dad, so i felt that i couldnt talk to her about it or any of my family and i just felt like my friends wouldnt understand. i also found out that my mum and family had thought i didnt care about the fact that grandad had died as i didnt show it and that annoyed them, but i felt like i couldnt, everyone would just tell me that i had to be strong for mum and for the family, but i just thought who was there to be strong for me? i felt like i had no one to turn to and still do. Now everyone is kinda moving on because they let their emotions out when it all happened but i just feel like im left behind, i just miss him so much but i cant talk to anyone about it. i dont want to go out, i dont have the energy to go to college or do my hobbies, and i just feel like i want to get away, like i need space to myself so i can just think and let everything out, or when im walking anywhere i jsut feel like i want to keep going, to just keep walking and get away and never stop, i just dont know what to do, and when i think of life without him and that im never gonna see him or, or hug him i cant i just cant bear it, i jsut want him here, i just feel like he would make everything better, especially since he died i jsut felt like i dont know who i am, that i dont know anything anymore and im not good for anything, and it really shook me up, i was just going to start at sixth form and i suddenly felt like people wouldnt like me because i was upset and everything that had happened so i just burried it down and pretended it didnt happen. i dont know what im hoping to get out of talking about it on here but i just thought that getting it all out in the open would help, that maybe someone can tell me what to do and tell me how to get through it,try to stop my confusion, but anyway, thanks for taking the time to read what i had to say, i hope you can help me

[2sweetgirls]

I am so sorry about the loss of your grandfather. Loss of a loved one so dear is a hard thing.

I am also sorry that your mom chose to deal with her grief by drinking. Where does that leave you? Do you belong to a church or is there a teacher or guidance counselor you trust that you can talk to? Maybe one of your friends parent? At the very least, you are definitely in the right place here. You can say whatever you feel, whenever you want. I have been on this site for almost a year and it has helped tremendously. Everyone handles grief differently. No one can tell you that you handled it in a wrong way. It is a hard thing to deal with. The important thing to remember is that you have to deal with it, at some point, in your own time in order to move on and accept it. That is a hard thing too. I think the more you talk/write, the better it will be for you.

Please keep writing when you feel you can or need to.

2sweetgirls

[roa11610]

Thank you for commenting, being on here has really helped and i have realised i have someone i can talk to about it all, may have had a cry down the phone a few times :L but i now know that they are here for me, apart from them i dont really have anyone to turn to, im not particularly religious and there is no one at college that i know of that handles these kind of things, ive also started writing a journal, and it really helps to get it all out of head,now i know and feel i can come here when i need to,

Thank you xx

[<3 deeply]

First I would like to say that I am so sorry for what you are feeling and letting you know it's alright to feel that way. I was the same way... held everything in because I had to be strong and some people in my family can still talk about my grandparents like it's nothing but I still have a hard time with it.... when my grandparents died I had a rough time with my faith especially and like you became very depressed. That's when my dad got me a counseluer who then pointed to me to this sight and honestly I don't think I would've lasted without it... it saved my llife. So feel free to vent and explain how your feeling because all of us on here have felt grief and we will support you through this hard time. <3 praying for you.

[beakerj]

Hey Roa,

Are you British? There's a really good organisation for younger people/teenagers in the UK called Winston's Wish, website is www.winstonswish.org.uk. They're a fantastic help in finding people to talk to & there's loads of helpful stuff to do on their site that you can do on your own. You'll be able to see that there are lots of people your age dealing with similar things, which is sad, but makes you feel less alone.

You'll also be able to see that lots & lots of people care about how you're feeling right now, as well as the people that come on this site. I can say that with confidence as normally I work with teenagers, I'm off work right now because my Mum died recently. I'm really sorry that your Grandad died & that your Mum's drinking is causing you so many problems. Soooo hard.

Good for you that you found this site - I've found it really helpful. Keep on posting here & keep on writing, it helps express all the horrible stuff you're feeling. Grief is a really hard thing, & talking about it is a good thing.

Hang in there honey.

Big virtual hugs,

Becka XXX