Daughter2010 Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 and a bit scared about the future. I spent the holidays with mom and my brothers and well, for the most part everyone is doing sort of OK, in their own way. My mom misses my father so much and she still cries frequently. She says she still remembers the sadness my father experienced when he was diagnosed with cancer, his fears, and how life was leaving his body little by little. I too remember those times, and I wished I could make my mother feel better but it is something that she needs to deal with as well. My younger brother is apparently doing OK, but when dad passed on, he got into the habit of drinking a beer, two or three almost daily. He said it was to numb the pain, and mask the sadness. A year later, the habit continues and we ( mom, myself and my other brother) sat him down and expressed our concerns. He acknowledged the fact that he drinks on a regular basis and he knows he doesnt want to do things that will ruin his life.He doesn't get drunk, but he drinks enough to feel relaxed and expresses his emotions a lot more. He wants to break the habit and thinks he can do it himself, as per his own words...he now drinks when he feels happy and when he feels sad, otherwise he does not touch alcohol. He sounded reassuring about being able to quit the habit and he even saw it as a challenge. We all are hopeful he breaks it. I worry so much because I don't want him to do stupid things and I want the best for him. My father drank very little alcohol through out his life by choice, and we his children need to follow his example. My little brother is doing OK, he is the quiet one in the family. He helps my mom out so much, he is still young and he needs to learn a lot about life. Spending time with my family was the highlight of the holidays. I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. As being the oldest in the family, I feel the need to care and provide for my family, mom and my brothers. I don't want my family to be shattered or troubled as a result of trying to deal with my father's passing. I am sure Dad wouldn't like that. Mom is being strong and keeps going, and my brothers are doing the same even though there are bumps along the road. These times are though on us because of grief, finances and trying to find ourselves and knowing what we want to make of our lives. I want to know as much as possible about my brother's habit and be prepared in case he does want to be helped. If he can't break the alcohol habit on his own, I want to be ready to provide help. Sometimes I think if Dad were here, things would be different, and we would feel complete again. Seeing my mom in pain breaks my heart and i miss my father so much that at times I wonder if it is worth having kids knowing that they too could grieve my death in the future? Why do we have to go through this pain? I am feeling a bit lost, and trying to find my way forward. I have a job I take care of , and my family..it is just that inside I feel so much uncertainty, I am a bit fearful. I don't know when mom's time to leave earth will be but it makes me anxious. She is apparently in good health..but I still worry. This year I want to do so much so I can spend more time with my family. What is the meaning of life if you can't spend it close to those you love? Thanks for listening, -L Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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