sunstreet Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 If you have had a lot of loss; do you ever feel overwhelmed with which death to grieve? Have you ever had a really good day, and you felt your soul truly alive again, and you felt excitement about new possibilities, only to come crashing down the next day to what feels like an all time low? This is where I am at today. Yesterday...I felt like I was on top of Mt. Everest and nothing but possibilties in my view. Today....I feel like I have been thrown down to the bottom of Mt. Everest...and have to begin the climb again. If I allow myself and think on it the way I am feeling is so understandable. But that is just it, I don't want to think on it. I am tired of having to think on it. It is utterly lonely to be the only surviving sibling. Today survivor guilt is playing hovoc with my brain. Three of my siblings, took their own life and today I feel angry at my wife for making that same choice, knowing I was already having to grieve my three siblings choice. I can not even get myself to say the "s" word today. Today, I can not seem to get out of my emotional brain at all. My therapist assures me that what I am feeling is movement forward and that it entirely understandable given the events in the last few days for me, and being reassured and knowing my therapist is right, I still feel like I have taken a mile backwards in this path of grief and loss and have to go over ground I thought I already had. So far today has been a day of staying in my pj's, watching mindless TV, and obsessing about all that needs doing. Do you ever just want to put your brain on pause? Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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