Complete Disrespect

[kayatas]

Well it has now been 2 years since the sudden death of my father my dad.

I still have so many feelings of anger and resentment and pain and sorrow and uter confustion.

I HATE the way i feel sometimes. Some days ae so good and others I will be having a normal day(however in my life normal is messed up) and out of no where I just shead tears uncontrollably and have memory relapses of that day at the hospital when the priest is reading Jah's prayer.....the memory freeze of him motionless, brain dead instantly and all of the cause ALCOHOL!!!!! how???? too much and can't handle he drank so much that night and on his way to the bar in the parking lot he fell and hit his head on the cement and was pronouced dead almost instantly. And yet he had just told me 2 wks prior he was not drinking as much and we were suppose to meet after not seeing each other for like 5 years.......and this happens....i was crushed. and to top of the crappy feeling cake... I had my dad ashes at the funeral home and I went to pick out urns and have my dads ashes given to me. But, they were gone and I found out my dads sister my aunt had taken them and did not tell anyone of her motives. then I called and called and called her repetatley with no reply and then months later I get an envelope in the mail entailing a funeral burial service sayings typed out and pictures and the pictures was my dads temp urn and a grave stone....she burried him I have so much hate right now....anger beyond she stole my dads remains and then burries them without concent and does not even tell anyone till its been said and done.......I do not know how to react anymore,,,,I miss him terribly and I just want to pick up the phone so often and call him but I cant and never will be able to.........help I am falling deep into despair

[tattoodlb]

Hi,

I know how you feel, my mother died suddenly, drug overdose and my sister stole the only thing I wanted from me, to know how she "really" died. She stole the ability to get the toxicology report (she was the administrator of the estate); she said she did not care how my mom died so I should not care. I'm sorry your dad had an alcohol problem, my mom did, too. Drugs suck and they rob happiness from us and the ones we love get taken from us too soon. Unfortunately, the drugs are so powerful, the people under their control don't know they are being controlled until it is too late.

I hope you find peace in knowing he is in a happier place now; for me, I cannot imagine how awful it must be to have to drink or take drugs to get through life; that is not life...

[kayatas]

Thank you tattoodlb,

I am sorry to hear of your pain as well. I do always think and hope knowing that my Dad is now in a better place and not in the pain he had to endure on this earth.... He was a very sick man having paranoid schizophrenia. Whom he witnessed his father kill his mother as a child again to do with alcohol and then his dad went to jail for 2 years or so as it was in self defense from her and then when he got out of jail my Dad was living with his dad again and then his dad had asked him to go to the store the one day and then when my dad returned with the bread and milk he found his father hung in the garage he killed himself and my dads brother he also commited suicide because his wife left him and would not let him see his boys and he was talking to his wife on the phone and pleaded with her to come back and let him see his sons but she denied and he said he will kill himself if she did not...she declined again....and then he shot himself on the phone with her....so overall my dad had the worst childhood ever...so I know why he was the way he was but, i still have the pain and the anger and resentment that no one can make go away and so many people I still love still do these same things and the drugs...my sister is still recovering from the use of speed meth and others......e and such and she is slowly getting her life together but it breaks my heart to think I might lose her too to the drugs and alcohol.........But days have been getting easier as time goes but the pain is still the same.......and my aunt I dont know if i can ever fogive her for what she done to us.....she has no idea the pain she has caused and the effects of her actions..........

I fiond the more I talk about it the easier the pain seems to be and i dont cry as much as before,. but there is so many days that I wish my fiance would understand what I am going thru but he doesnt and never will till you experience it yourself..... I will just have to grin and bear.....

Your sister and you did not get along or no? and the police did they just call it overdose and no questions asked......that is so sad to hear. I am sorry for you........ I try my upmost hardest not to fall in the same pattern but sometimes it is too hard but I dont want this done to my loved ones......much love, kayatas