I Am Exhausted. I Need Advise To Clear My Mind.

[teeek]

I am tired of grieving. Every time I ask "do you still miss___?" to start a convo of sharing feelings, they keep saying "no". No one cares anymore. I've been forced to grieve myself over and over again. Sometimes sadness comes randomly when you start thinking about them cause you feel like you need them now. Like, I keep saying "damn. I wish..." And within this self-grieving process, 'I learn that we can't have someone to ALWAYS make us feel better, we make us feel better ourselves, being miserable is our choice'. I tried to stay strong for it, sometimes my heart feels like its about to collapse by ITSELF not me, I don't know why but I do know that I still bargain to GOD even if it's useless. Every time I start grieving, I keep on denying and turn on the music loudly to forget about the sadness also think positive things vigorously. Not easy! I am exhausted at grieving I just don't know how to look for help, like I said before no one cares anymore- makes me feel like they don't want to hear me out. I am not good at showing emotions either. I couldn't talk, I cry immediately. It is embarrassing. The whole point, I am trying my best to not care but it seem so damn difficult. I don't even dare to write a diary or letter anything I just want to forget about that person. I miss that person badly. I lost lots. I grieve upon one-by-one. My heart is totally weak at grieving, literally. But am trying to be strong which makes me feel so awesome though the problem is that I have something against other people showing emotions, am being belligerent to them. Yeah whatever it is, I am trying to forget that I lost.I am exhausted, once the grieving is too much as in if I think or cry a lot, my body can become slightly sick. Why can't I forget them? I just can' give up. I AM TIRED.

[Rhonda123456]

I just started grief counseling and I had the same sort of issue about whether I should just run around the house and dispose of everything that was causing me pain, or box it all up for later, or just sit with each object and let the pain wash over me. My counselor told me it was a mistake to toss everything out and better to let myself feel the pain over and over until it just wears off with time. Otherwise, the suppressed feelings of loss come out in other ways and can lead to illness, substance abuse, lashing out at others, etc. So I think even though you're tired and even though other people may be impatient and want you to move on, you should take however much time you need until the pain starts to diminish. Everyone is different and it's okay if you have a hard time letting go of the person who died. Nothing is harder in life.

[mfh]

Hi Rhonda

I agree...face the music now or it WILL creep back in and kick us in the teeth. I chose even before Bill died to walk through the grief...never knowing then what I was promising...I had no clue how hard this walk would be. I cry daily and will until I stop. This is the toughest thing I have ever dealt with and I KNOW nothing will ever be tougher. I admire your choice to walk through the pain instead of around it. mfh

[roger]

I feel the same as you. If it may help you give me a call at 602-788-0580. Member Roger

[Guest Nicholas]

I agree, you should try and deal with it now, whether through counselling or whatever; I am beginning to wonder whether perhaps not grieving "properly" for my parents who died many years ago has come back to haunt me now that my son has gone.

Anyone who says to you "haven't you stopped grieving yet?" or "haven't you got over it yet?" is either very ill-informed or not much of a friend. I'm sorry, but that is the way I view those kind of remarks - not one of my close friends or family has said that or ever would, even in the future.

Have you ever considered meditation?

Take care

Nicholas

[Aquarius7]

One of my stupid siblings tried to "man up" (as he always told me I had to do; before my Mom even passed away, yet we knew it was going to happen soon). He took out his grief on me time and time again, lashing out at me and even calling me names. He also told me to "get a job!", though I am employed. He also dominated the whole remodeling of my Mom's house (which I thought was overpriced and not well done). He even asked me in front of a real estate agent "when's the last time you took a bath." And "you stink!" It is a wonder we never had a physical confrontation (but I was not going to lower myself to his level). He went out and bought a new home stereo system with all kinds of surround sound things, went and bought a used motorcycle to fix up and took a lot of vacations and trips.

Then recently he was offered a job with his company out of state. His answer to almost every decision is "pull the trigger, pull the trigger!" (an expression I absolutely HATE!). Well he accepted the job and now realizes that he doesn't really want it and that this was a major mistake on his part. He has been having sleepless nights, bouts of crying and depression, drinking way too much (from what I can see in his texts) and generally miserable. He also demanded that I sign the power of attorney to sell my Mom's house before I went in the hospital and was calling me endlessly to make sure I got this done and handed over to him. I just have to laugh my head off at him! His denial of grief, his refusal to grieve, his arrogance towards me, his refusal to listen to my feelings and show any kind of compassion to my situation (he was one of the ones who forced me out of my Mom's house, not 3 months after she passed away). He is getting everything he deserved and what is great is that he did it all to himself!!! I would actually prefer that he not move and have even been kind enough to offer him some support and suggestions for ways out of the trap that he got himself into.

I just want to hope (but don't actually) that my other sibling has much worse things happen to him as karma and justice for the way he has treated me during this horrible time and for the way he has treated me my whole life. His time will come no doubt. He is even worse! He refuses to even grieve and acts like this is "just the way it goes". He too told me to "man up" and "move on". He was the leader of forcing me out of my Mom's house, constantly calling me and texting me saying things like "have you found a place? How's the move going? Stop messing around and go rent that place!! Stop wasting time!". He has also sent me numerous insulting emails telling me I smell and dress bad and that I need to to do this and that to improve myself. How ARROGANT! He is been the most arrogant person I have known in my life. Totally dominated the whole situation and treats me like nothing. He is using this opportunity to get even with me for all the things he has been jealous of me my whole life. I honestly think he has enjoyed seeing me suffer like this. I have even thought of challenging him to a duel. Anything goes. But I won't do anything. As General George S. Patton said, "revenge belongs to God." Boy, will they find this out!

So in other words, take time to grief and mourn! And be KIND to others!