wmjsca Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 I haven't been posting frequently. I stop by from time to time to offer helpful comments and comfort. I apologize for the absence. It's just that life just keeps on going along. Almost as though Buck was never here, never died and we were never together. Some people haven't skipped a beat, even though my whole world was shattered and establishment of a 'new normal' has taken almost a year of my life. I had a dream a few weeks back, and all I really remember of it is lying down next to Buck, placing my fist into his open palm as he closed his fist on mine [as we'd always done]. He said "what's up?" in his voice. I was so startled, even in the dream, as though even in a dream I knew he was dead, so why was I hearing his voice? It WAS his voice and I hadn't heard it since October 19, 2010, the day of his biopsy, the last day he spoke. I was in tears....because I had prayed to hear his voice...just one more time, so that I could remember how it sounded. It will be a year 10/22/10. I'm still having a hard time with my 'new normal'. Hope you all are well. Marietta....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hi Marietta, I am so happy that you got to hear that wonderful voice again and I also know these dreams are a challenge also. When I dream of my Bill the dreams are so real and I love them but then waken to his absence again. Maybe he heard your wish to hear that voice. You are ahead of me. Bill died Marcy 2010 and a new normal continues to allude me....I am doing one day at a time. I wish you peace and cherish that voice. Bill had a wonderful warm voice. A friend of mine took a message from him before Bill and I were married. He called my place of employment and I was tied up so Margaret, my 81 (at the time) year old friend talked with him. She told me later---no wonder you love him. I just fell in love with his voice. Cherish that voice....it is yours forever. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melina Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hi Marietta, How wonderful you got to hear Clint's voice again (was Buck his nickname?), and what a great dream. I've been hoping for a really clear dream - where I could hear my husband speak, though I can still recall his voice if I try. I understand what you mean about the new normal. It's not an easy transition. It still feels unreal to me. Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 You are right, there's nothing easy about this and it takes a long time to find our "new normal"...I can't say as I've totally found mine yet. I mean, I know I'm alone, I'm not part of a couple, I've lost our friends, he's not coming back, and when things like this impending surgery occur, I have no one to be there for me. Those things sink in. But "new normal"? What is that? It's supposed to be the new life we have but I'm not sure I have one, what I have are attempts to survive, to just get through the day, acceptance that I'm alone, trying to make it, get done the things that need to be done, but is this really a life? If not for my dog I would surely go nuts! My dog is my life now, he is what makes me smile, he is the one that brings me love and enjoyment, nothing else seems to. Isn't it pathetic that George has been replaced by a dog? He would laugh at that! But seriously, he is the closest thing I've found to George, the only one that brings to my heart what he does...too bad he doesn't mow the lawn, fix the car, patch the roof, and bring in income. Last night I was missing just having someone to cuddle with, it's been so long since I've laid my head on his chest...ahh, but I'll have to settle for this furry friend now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmjsca Posted August 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 KayC: I have been having this terrible yearning to be 'held'....it has just been soooooo long. I really miss the security of his arms around me. I can relate.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmjsca Posted August 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 Hi Marietta, How wonderful you got to hear Clint's voice again (was Buck his nickname?), and what a great dream. I've been hoping for a really clear dream - where I could hear my husband speak, though I can still recall his voice if I try. I understand what you mean about the new normal. It's not an easy transition. It still feels unreal to me. Melina Hi Melina...yes, his nickname was "Buck". I can, at least, cherish the dream since I'll never hear his voice again. It still seems unreal to me, too........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 10, 2011 Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 KayC: I have been having this terrible yearning to be 'held'....it has just been soooooo long. I really miss the security of his arms around me. I can relate.......... (((hugs))) Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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