Eliza?

[Maylissa]

Hi Eliza,

I've been wondering how you've been doing? It recently struck me that you may have suffered some Post Traumatic Stress from your young loss of Tigger, which also may have some impact today on your grief with Winnie. Have you ever looked into this?

Anyway, hoping you are still around, albeit still grieving, I'm sure. My thoughts are still with you.

[Eliza]

Hi Maylissa,

Thank you so much for checking in! It has definitely been a roller coaster ride over the past two weeks and two days. I can't believe that I've even made it this far, when every day it feels like I should be able to walk into my house after work and find my sweet girl there on the couch or recliner looking up at me happily and expectantly! I miss her so terribly. I absolutely ache for her presence. I definitely still have parts of the day when the grief is just as fresh as it was the first day, but I also have parts of the day when I feel more peaceful (or maybe just exhausted!). I know I've made some progress, but I also know that this is going to be a very long journey for me. I'm still taking it an hour at a time.

You may be right about Post Traumatic Stress. I hadn't thought of that. Tigger's loss was definitely a hard blow, as well, and to lose Winnie so soon after definitely made it harder to take. I'll have to look into that.

Part of what has helped me get through the past two weeks is all the stuff I've done to try to comprehend this terrible loss. I've found a wonderful counselor, who I'm sure I'll see for a while. She really understands what I'm going through and has been able to give me some good insights into this whole process. I also read a book called "Animals and the Afterlife" by Kim Sheridan, which has been enormously comforting. I would recommend it highly, if you haven't read it. I found it on amazon.com, but I think there is a website at www.animalsandtheafterlife.com. I've also started volunteering for a cat animal shelter, which has been really nice so far. There are so many worthy kitties out there!

Thank you again for your suggestion about the other pet loss support website. You're right that it is a bit more active and there are so many caring people on there. It has helped to know that so many people feel exactly like I do. Did you happen to see my post on there about animal communicators? Someone who responded to me suggested I read an earlier post by someone whose cat's name was Sabin. Was that you by any chance? I didn't see your name, but thought it might be you.

In any case, I did have an animal communicator help me contact Winnie. I'd never done anything like this before (in fact, I hadn't even heard there was such a thing as animal communicators until the movie I saw the day Winnie passed! And then the first book I bought on pet loss, which I mentioned above, talks a lot about it.) I was a bit skeptical, but I just knew I had to try it. I was really anxious about it becasue I wanted so much to have absolutely concrete proof that it was indeed Winnie and that I wasn't just being taken in. In the end, I decided that I needed to take some of it on faith. Some of what this woman said didn't make sense to me, but much more sounded absolutely correct, and Winnie's messages for me were so very comforting, that the whole experience was worth it for me.

So, when I'm feeling really low, I remember what she said to me, and it helps me to not feel quite so sad. I still miss my beautiful Winnie girl, and always will, but at least I have a little more hope now for the future. I do believe that we'll be together again.

How are you and your girl cat doing? (I don't think I've learned her name yet!) I hope you are both feeling well and enjoying each others' company. You said something once before about how Sabin helped you both after he passed. I would love to hear more about that when you have some time! I'm still trying to connect more with my other two furbabies, Charlie and Sophie. They're so young and energetic, though, and don't want me fawning over them all the time. And I know it's not fair to expect them to just step in and take over for Winnie. That hasn't been their role. I'm going to try to just get to know them better individually and appreciate them for their own unique strengths and sillinesses.

Anyway, thank you again for your continued friendship. It means a lot to me.

Hugs,

Eliza

[Maylissa]

Hi Eliza!

I hadn't even realized you'd posted back to my query! Must be my blurry eyes. I'm SO glad to hear you've been so proactive with your grief, as I know that helps. From what I remember ( which is more than I care to at times ), my more 'peaceful' moments for the first year were usually exhaustion, but they were wecome relief anyway from the tears and burn in my heart. I knew right away, too, that it was going to take me longer than most to ever feel more normal again. My husband guessed 2 years, I said more than 2....I 'won'.....whoopie....it was 3. I don't know that I've ever even met anyone else who took so long, but it is what it is.

I'ts so good that you found a counselor who understands. Mine was/is darn good, too, although I know she doesn't quite see animals the same way I do, but she certainly respects the way I view them, so good enough. I had tried a local pet loss support group too, but hated what they did to my contribution to their newsletter, so I quit going after only one meeting! In fact, it was only this year, 5 years later, that I tackled that problem, and with the new President being the first phone support person I'd talked to from the group, it was not only resolved, but Sabin got 'published' for a second time. So it's good to be proactive.

And yes, that was my posting you read on the other site ( I had a few, in different threads ), and as you've now noticed, yes, that's his name. My furgirl is Nissa, his sis. A friend of mine used to joke that their names were really Nissan and Subaru. :-) which I found very amusing. And no, I haven't seen your posting there, but I wish I had, and I'll check it out now! I'm just glad you found it as helpful a site as most do ( isn't the steady stream of like-minded folks wonderful?! ). I don't often visit it right now, because I've had to REwork my grief for my boy after being on there a few weeks, and I STILL find it distressing to say the least, reading too many postings...cuz I want to help, but it still brings up my own issues about Sabin.

I'll have to order that book you mentioned, as I can never have enough of those kinds. I haven't yet recontacted the communicator I used years ago after Sabin's passing, but I wonder if you would pass on the name of the person you tried? I'm always on the lookout for alternatives, in case I find one who's better at it ( I know how variable it can be, as I've tried a few over the years ) - you could use the PM if you don't want to say it publicly. I'm also happy you found enough in the reading to give you comfort, and keep in mind sometimes what doesn't make sense at first sometimes does later. I remember the best one I ever found ( who's out of commission this year, unfortunately ), mentioned a particular red ball Sabin had regrets about always hiding on us in his early years. I remembered no such ball, but she assured me that WHEN I found it, I'd KNOW it was the one. Well, lo and behold, about a year later, I did find it, underneath some stuff in the basement ( hidden again! ), and I got chills as I picked it up, realizing that it was the very first ball I'd ever given them, an old ball from MY youth no less! They had so many other balls since then, that's why I hadn't remembered it even existed. So you just never know...

It's also good to know your other 2 darlings are doing their best to help you out. It IS what they do, isn't it? As for me and my Little Nis', she's going through a tougher period again ( and therefore, so am I ) , but looks very forward to her daddy getting home in the evening to pester her, in ways I've never been able to bring myself to do, though she LOVES it from HIM! I KNOW that my grieving mood since losing my Mom and brother affects her deeply, as she's a total emotional and energy sponge....so Mom isn't too good for her oftentimes. Talk about your GUILT for having to grieve!!

As I have to get started on dinner now, I'll write NEXT time about my ADC's from Sabin, as there are a few....and thank you for being interested, as I LOVE sharing these stories about him, as they're such a testament to our unbreakable bond, and a much happier story than his passing.

Thank you, too, for being a friend to ME. Your presence makes a positive difference to me and I value it. Chat again soon and hope your healing continues uninterrupted, even if slow.

Blessings,

Maylissa