Why Cant I Move On...?

[PaintedPonyluvr]

I'm new here...I lost my former husband and father to my 3 children very suddenly to coronary artery disease in May of 2010. We remained a dear friend to me, and we were just starting to get past the awkwardness. We had just compromised on a legal issue w our children. I had just talked to him on the phone telling him how sorry I was that I wasn't the wife he deserved, and how much I still loved him and always would. Just a short 2 weeks later he is gone...forever. It was early May 31 my daughter tried calling me and my phone was on silent. My 2 youngest were spending the memorial day weekend w him. I woke to my boyfriend telling me there is an officer at the door and needs to talk to you. I called my daughter while changing. She is hysterical and crying saying she couldn't wake her daddy. I told her I was on my way. I was frantic on the way asking questions and he told me I needed to be calm for my children for what they were about to go through. Right then my world ended, as I started screaming. Whos gonna be strong for me? I will never forget having to tell my 9 and 12 and 17 year old their daddy was gone. My oldest wasn't even there he had spent the night at a friend house. It was only 4;30 in the morning...how would I tell him?

Anyway, I still after a year and a half can't get out of bed, stop thinking about how I will never see him again. I am a wreck. I just started back in therapy and hoping it gets easier. Does anyone else go through this. I seemed to be doing better for a few months and now I am in the pits of grief again will this ever end...I just want him back so bad, and wish it had been me. He was such a good daddy and stronger than me...

[Babypod]

My Grandmother had to go through telling her kids their dad wasn't coming home. He had a heart attack one evening and she rode to the hospital in the ambulance with him - her 7, 12, and 13 year old yelling as they pulled out of the driveway, "Bring daddy home with you!" At the hospital he had a second heart attack and died. My Grandmother was a typical housewife of the day - she didn't manage anything before my Grandpa died - she never even drove a car - she didn't work outside the home - he managed all the bills and worked. Then he died. She had to come home and tell the three little kids that their Dad wasn't coming home.

Personally - for me - even thinking about it I get sick to my stomach. I don't know how my Grandma did it - but she did. She loved my Grandpa with all her heart - he was a great man. She never re-married. I will say she missed him every day of her life - but she found a way to continue. She did it for her kids. She slowly just came back to life - one day at a time. It does get better. If my Grandma could do it - with no support system - no job - no marketable skills - no drivers license - if she could re-build her life and find a way to get beyond the pain than anyone can.

Good luck. For me it has been 9 months since we lost my Grandma - I am slowly starting to get beyond the fog - but I miss her every day.

[widower]

I'm new here...I lost my former husband and father to my 3 children very suddenly to coronary artery disease in May of 2010. We remained a dear friend to me, and we were just starting to get past the awkwardness. We had just compromised on a legal issue w our children. I had just talked to him on the phone telling him how sorry I was that I wasn't the wife he deserved, and how much I still loved him and always would. Just a short 2 weeks later he is gone...forever.

I am so sorry for your loss. Along with all the "standard" issues of loss, you have the additional pain of feeling regret or guilt that your relationship ended how it did. I would say for starters remember that it takes 2 to make a relationship work and he was not faultless; it's easy and normal for us to forget that as we glorify those we lose. Also try to focus on the good memories you have and remember you have your children and whoever else (other family/friends) so you are not alone, though it will feel that way sometimes. It seems clear he loved you too despite whatever was between you and so that love is not gone.