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Thinking Of All Of You Today


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It's pretty quiet here today. I am debating whether to go to church or just take some quiet time and start my day relaxed. Am not feeling like the rushing around and being around a lot of people today. Am feeling a bit melancholy.

Harry, I love the egg, and moreso, what it stands for. It is neat that you have created such a tribute to Jane that will count for something.

Mary, I like that you are in touch with your inner self and it's needs and are listening within. I hope you have a blessed day.

There are a lot of people here that are missing someone...that someone very special, that one that never leaves our thoughts or hearts. Sometimes, especially in the earlier years after their death, we can only hope to survive the day, and somehow, we do. There are many here that I haven't heard from in a while, some of them read but don't post, some have dropped off coming here, but all are in my thoughts today. So many I have gotten to know here. For many of you, this is your first Easter without your loved one, I send special hugs your way. How different our day would be if only they were here! It's odd, even after all of this time, I wake up and George is the first thing on my mind. I never could have foreseen that I would have to live out my life without him, it's like a dream that I can never awake from. To George, and to all of your loved ones, our hearts and thoughts are still on you, we miss you and love you...and we hope you're doing better than we are. We've heard a lot of theology over the years, how there are no more tears, etc., we hope this is true, for your sakes. I still love you like I did when you were here. I miss you so much.

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A peace filled Easter, Kay, I stopped home after breakfast with friends....for a quiet break and am now leaving for a brunch (there goes Weight Watchers...but I am doing ok shedding years of insulation)....I chose to turn down the afternoon party...with noisy people and a lot of drinking. I hope to paint this afternoon. I am painting the masks of grief...lots of planning, research...before I begin as it will be loaded with symbols.

I understand the melancholy....I too am sad today. The secondary losses to losing Bill are piling up...I plan to make a list and keep it going on my desktop....so many. I hope to balance it with lessons learned and places I have grown.

I wish you peace in your chosen solitude today.

with love

Mary

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Kay,

Thanks for thinking about all of us - and I hope your Easter was okay. I understand your sense of loss at this time.

My Easter was a strange mix of happiness at seeing some of my kids, and deep melancholy from missing my husband.

The first two kids left to go back to college today. I have one left at home until next week.

This afternoon, after driving the two to the train station, I felt this enormous sense of emptiness. It's not really because the kids left, but because now that they're on the verge of real adulthood, they have so many questions, so many decisions. I feel unequipped to help them properly. There's a deep yearning to have their father here with us - to help guide his sons. They're able to manage their lives okay, but now and then they get stuck and look to me for support. I know they miss him too - he would have been a fantastic grandfather as well.

I didn't have the energy to create big fancy Easter dinners or brunches, or decorations. When the kids were growing up, I was the one who made a big deal out of holidays, but now I just wish I could sleep through all those "special days". I feel like such a failure.

Melina

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I spent the day home alone except my daughter came up for a few hours, I hadn't spent time alone with her since right after George died, so it was nice to have just her and I. I fixed a huge spread and sent most of it home with her so her hubby could eat (he had to work) and her and I played Scrabble and took Arlie for a walk. It was different from most Easters, usually I go to church and it's busy, choir, etc., but I just felt the need for centering as Mary says.

Walt, thank you too for your support, we've all been through so much together over the years. I know some people wonder if I'm not stuck in my grief, still coming here, but I'm beyond worrying about what other people think, I find that this place we are all here for each other and it matters not exactly where we are in our journey, let alone how long. What the rest of the world doesn't understand is no matter what we do or how we choose to do it, the journey is ongoing.

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