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Sudden Death


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My only child died suddenly. She was 27 and died May 23, 2004. I am trying to deal with it and the holidays are coming up again. I am coming to the realization on my good days that Stacey won't be around for holidays and what makes it more difficult is she left behind two young children. I went through last holidays in a fog and a daze. Any ideas as to how to keep it special for the children while your heart is breaking in two. Stacey was my life and miss her a great deal.

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My 38 yr. old son (only biological child) died in an accident 7 weeks ago...I am just lost....going thru the motions...left 4 girls...ages 7-17...I do have a daughter..really my niece that I brought up (thank god for her!) she's 33 and does have her own life to lead....My heart is in my hands with no where to put it...maintaining a relationship with my granddaughters is always a struggle..mother has new husband for a few years now and has always made it a sruggle...I can identify with you about the holidays...I can't find any words to express my feelings..wish we didn't have to even do the holidays! Maybe you could ask them what was special to them about the holidays with thier Mom and what special things they would like to do..maybe, just making them part of the plans would become special in itself...

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hello, I lost my 16 yr old daughter Kelsey Nicole on Wed march 30, 2005. Only those who have lost a child can truly understand the depth of that loss. My life has been a whirlwind the last few yrs. I was divorced 4 yrs ago, met the love of my life and married him Jan 05, was so looking forward to moving on and being happy the rest of my life. The loss of my girl has just about been more than i can take. I am still happily married. But i miss kelsey so much, as does her older sister who just grad from H.S and started college in sept. They were two peas in a pod. 13 1/2 mths apart in age. I was on depression meds for a while and gained 25 lbs. went off them. And now there are days when things seem worse than b/4. It's everything ...everything around, that reminds me of Kelsey. And people are different it seems now. They don't know what to say, and the Question of " how are you doing" was quick to get old. How do you think i'm doing? I lost my child. And my friends are not there. People don't know what to do with grief. I miss her more all the time. not less. It doesn't get easier, it's getting harder, because you realize the loss of everything as time goes by. All i have is pictures. I don't think i will have the chance to be a grandmother. My oldest daughter has things she wants to do in life, and i don't see her having children. Kelsey loved kids, and i was always looking forward to her being the one to have babies. I feel cheated. Kelsey will never be older. I will grow old with age and only to look back and remeber my 16 yr old daughter. Why why why. I am a nurse. I was called to er that day, and she was already gone. I then had to call her dad and my husband and tell them all. I know its not healthy to think back, but the one time that kelsey needed me i wasn't there. I work full time and it's a struggle to get up and go to work. I get sick of helping others lately. Their troubles are nothing compared to the loss of a child. The one thing i want is not possible to get back. if only. How do you get past the grief and move on and find life and true happiness again. I always wanted more children, and now i have only one. And she is a wonderful young women i am so proud of. I tell her that all the time. But i feel cheated. need advice i cant find folks. I feel like i am just going day to day. Where is my niche now?

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I have no answers...but I do already feel people pulling away and its only been a short while...I'm friggin dying inside...I said also..this am when I woke up...I have to go the rest of my life into my old age with out my son!!! I had him at a very young age...It's hard for me to remember him not ever being there....He would joke with me about both of us getting our social security checks together and doing lunch..lol I also said to my sister the other day....it's getting worse not better!!!! I understand how you feel..pictures aren't doing it for me!!! I have pretend that everythings okay..My heart is so broken and I, too, want what I can't have and NO one or NOTHING will ever be the same again...

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest Brii Brii's Daddy

My family was in a terrible car accident November 29, 2003. My daughter Briana died in that accident,only 8 days after her 12th birthday. She was a wonderful, loving little girl. Brii was one of 4 children. November & December have become difficult months. i used to love Christmas, but the 2003 & 2004 Holidays were a blur. Sometimes I can go a few weeks now, productive at work, but then the bad days return and I withdraw, unable to function or accomplish anything. I have accomplished nothing the last 2 weeks.

Briana was "Daddy's little girl,": Butterfly kisses and whisker rubs every night. Even when I travelled on business, she would give me butterfly kisses over the phone. She was on my lap for Bears Football games or laying next me by the fire place. She was the peace maker among the family & other kids, a source of pure love in our family.

My wife and kids are suffering so much, I think it's so painful because everyone experienced the accident. It was a bloody war scene on that Interstate, that changed all our lives forever. Everyone's physical pains are mostly healed, some will never heal, and I don't know if our hearts can ever heal. Your children trust you to keep them safe. As the father, I failed to do so. When we left for our Thanksgiving trip, noone imagined that their parents would not get them home safely.

We were a very close family and did everything together. Now the family is like a wine glass that has been dropped on the floor; as we crawl around trying to find the pieces and glue them back together, we can't find them all and even with the glued pieces, it just isn't the same.

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I just don't even know how to reply to these posts, it has broken my heart. AS I mentioned to another griever over losing her children, I don't have any, so there's no way I can even come close to saying "I understand", because I don't. I've lost my dad, (took me 11 years to work through, he was 48), many extended family members, and most recently, my 16 year old baby, Meow-Meow. My best friend from high-school's son was killed in an auto accident in 1997 at the age of 15, and that is the closest I've come to knowing your grief. I agree that a parent should never have to bury their child, my grandmother was there when we buried her son, my dad, and I saw the agony and pain and torment she suffered and wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even an enemy. If you can hang in there, it will get easier, it will never go away, love never dies, and your lives are changed forever, but you will find a way to go on, if not for any other reason, for your 3 other children. I know you know this, but they need you so depserately right now, and they are going to need you for a long time to help them get through this in a healthy way. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and thoughts, and just go one day at a time, one hour at a time, and some day, you will be able to remember your memories without the knife in the heart, and will be able to smile. My dad died on 6/29/89, and on 9/11/01, for a split second I thought "I better call dad and ask him what he thinks", then I remembered. It never "goes away", it's always there, but the pain does ease up, and remember, love never dies, it is eternal.

In loving Memory of Loyd English, Jr. and Meow-Meow English-Hebert

Tracy English-Hebert

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