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My Matthew

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My Matthew was 20 years old. He was a hard worker, student, great friend, and awesome son. We were very close, I have two other children and of course love them dearly, but the loss of Matt is killing me. He was coming home at 9pm on a Friday night, he had gone to spend a little time with his girlfriend but had a long week at work and just wanted to come home. He stopped at a stop sign, proceeded to go and was hit by a police car that was traveling at excessive speeds without lights on. He died instantly.

I don't know how to move past this moment in time. I know I can't make it not have happened, but I want to. I know I can't go back in time and ask Matt to simply stay home that night, but I want to. I am still playing the "what if" game, I cry almost all of the time. My Dr has prescribed medication to keep me calm because I'm so hysterical I can't function on any level. I do find moments of sanity, like this for example, but mostly, I just keep replaying his last day in my mind like a movie stuck on repeat.

I have two other children so I need to try harder to move forward. I just don't know how.

Like I said, I am on medication and am seeing a therapist. Any help would be appreciated.

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My dear friend, how my heart hurts for you as I read your tragic story. I am so very sorry to learn that your beloved son Matthew was killed in this senseless auto accident, and I can only imagine the depth of your pain. Please know that we are holding you in gentle thought and prayer.

It's good to know that you are seeing a therapist, and I hope for your sake that he or she is knowledgeable about the treatment of grief and traumatic loss, as not all therapists are specialists in this field.

You've asked for any help we can offer, so in addition to the compassionate support I know you'll receive from our other members on this site, I'd like to refer you to some resources I hope you will find useful. If you're already familiar with some of them, please forgive me for that ~ I just want to be sure you're aware of what is "out there" and available to you:

When An Adult Child Dies: Resources for Bereaved Parents (Be sure to follow some of the links embedded in this article)

Mother Struggles to "Accept" the Death of Her Son

Accidental Death

Dealing with Sudden, Accidental or Traumatic Death

Grief Due to Accidental Death

Coping with Sudden and Traumatic Loss

Additional Resources and Links: Death of an Infant, Child or Grandchild

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