Mustang Posted January 10, 2014 Report Share Posted January 10, 2014 The last 6 months have been hard. The hardest I have been thru. I am 38 and my father passed away Nov 18th at the age of 72. After a period of 3 years of not talking to my parents for personal reasons I made amends and we moved closer after seeing their health had declined a great deal. We moved into our new home June 8th 2013. One week before Fathers Day. I made plans to drive one to pick up my folks and have Fathers Day at our new home. At 10 am I called to say I was on my way. My mom said they were both to tired and would have to change the plans. I knew there was more.... I said well I am coming at least to see dad and give the cards my kids made him. She did not want me to come. I went aways. I got there.... The house was a mess like in the show Hoarders. My father was in bed, he had been throwing up all night, and looked very ill. I yelled " What the HELL is going on?" After talking for 45 mins I found out my father had not been eating or doing much since April, and was throwing up a lot. After another 20 mins of begging for me to take him to the hospital he let me. He was severally dehydrated, malnurished, and his CHF was out of control. He had a liter of fluid around his heart. He was listed in critical condition. They stabilized a few things and according to my father found a small spot of cancer. (He had pro-state cancer we thought had been taken care of in 2000.) They made a plan of ten radiation treatments. Two treatments, they send him home for the weekend. Finish treatments next week. (He was there for 7 days.) Well I call him his first night home, and he was very tired. Next day I get a call from a neighbor.... my dads unresponsive. 911 is called, I leave for the hospital. I get there he is in bad shape. Temp of 105.6 BP was 70/40. They transfer him to a better hospital and tell us to call family. I get my mom, and we get to the CCU and they tell us he may not make it thru the night. Very long night. He was in full septic shock. They find 3 days later his pacemaker was covered in bacteria. Emergency surgery with a very high risk. Only 10 % survival chance. He pulls thru. But they need to do a 50 day antibiotic treatment in hospital. He had a full blown MRSA blood infection. I visit him every other day. His wife could not because of her illness. She has a condition where her legs are covered in open wounds. And she has chronic lyme. So she was not allowed to visit him. My father was not getting better. He was not the same after the surgeries. A lot of pain, discomfort, and mood swings. They transfer him to a hospital closer to me. The old one was 2 hours away. One week before he was to be released we find out my mom has both active MRSA, and a flu. Yet she refuses to go to the hospital. (More on that later. So he is going to stay with us. It was hard. 12 days into he started throwing up. and then went into a unresponsive like state. Back to the hospital. This was Aug 15. After 10 days they send him to a nursing home. They say he is just very ill. And that the infections, and such have just wiped him out and he needs PT and all that. Sept 1st the county police where my mom lives call. She has been taken to the hospital after a possible suicide attempt. And her infections are out of control. They transfer her to UVA Hospital via Medflight. She too is in septic shock. Another of many so far long nights. After 15 days they transfer her to a SNF. My father is not getting good care so we choose to send him to the same one my mom is at. Oct 1st. After weeks of seeing my dad getting worse not better I explode at a meeting with his dr, and nurses. They say he is faking and such. Then I yell " What about his goddamn cancer?" Their response... What Cancer???????? The records of his cancer had not been transferred to them. By Oct 5th we knew the truth. and it was next to Nov 18th the worst day ever for me. The Dr called and said after a full cat scan, and review of records, my father had less then 6 months to live, and his prostate cancer was terminal. Then 2 hours later another call. He was in worse shape then stated earlier. He had been terminal since 2003!!!!!!! Without any of his family knowing he had been told he was dying and getting treatment without anyone knowing. After a few more scans, tests, and such the facts became worse.... very quickly. He was given 2 months to live. Hospice took over, and some wonderful events took place. And some not so wonderful. After 18 years of not talking to his daughter, she came to see him. He held her for an hour just smiling and saying he did love his little girl. Friends from the past came to see him, and my brother saw him once. It was too much for him. He has since had a full mental breakdown and was hospitalized. My mom was and is in denial. Me I did what I had to... spend every minute I could with him. It was an hour and 20 min drive to the SNF but I made that trip every day from Oct 12th till he passed. My wife and kids would come each day on the weekends. My kids made him happy..He would love it when he could watch tv or play tic tac toe with them. He got worse as to be expected. Nov 1st full comfort care was started. He was fading fast. The last saturday we went as a family he slept 99% of the time but my wife, kids and I got to say things that mattered. And he said very sweet things to all of of us. We knew time was short. Monday the 18th....... Wife had a dr appt, and I was feeling very tired. I was not planning to go to see my dad for the first time in a month. I was just drained. I was going to make dinner and at 7:15pm the phone rang.... it was the SNF. I started shaking........ It was my mom. My dad had spiked a fever, and his vitals were not good. He was going to go home soon. I told my wife as fast as I could, grabbed the keys, and got a family hug. I made what was normally a 1 hour and 20 min drive less then 55mins. I run to his room the nurse told me what was up and I went to his bedside. His eyes had not opened all day, and could not swallow or speak. He was gasping for air. I said " Daddy I am here. I Love you daddy, Rach (My wife) loves you, Josh and Jackie love you too." His eyes shot open, he looked right at me, raised his arm a little pointed at me, and smiled his silly half smile. Then he gasped one last breath and went home. He waited for me. It was the best gift I could have ever been given. I will write more a bit later..... there more to the story.... a lot more..... But I have to stop.. feeling a bit raw right now..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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