One Year Later

[Pollara]

Hello to all,

as you probably know I am one of you.

I am here just to give you a piece of advice (to the ones that come here wondering what to do if their S.O becomes distant after a death)

My story in a nutshell:

-Met my (at that time) boyfriend

-Start a long distance relationship

-His mom died, he got into depression

-He broke up with me almost 3 months after the death

-I tried to contact him with no luck

-He contacts me 6 months after the break up to thank me and to tell me that we can never be back again because I remind him of his grief and deleted me from his chat.

-Almost one year after all these events he contacts me again at a friendly level. We are just having a friendly level connection. Very typical. Like having a chat every 3 weeks or so.

What my story tought me: unfortunately for some reason, some people after their death of a beloved person they might fall into depression. Of course, it is natural if someone wants some time in the beginning, but if this keeps on for more than 2 months, what my observations and experience tought me, is that he has taken the route to depression and better leave him/her alone. I know that this might be too hard for you (of course, I 've been there). This apply to all kind of relationships unless you are married. Otherwise, either you have a lot of years of relationship, or just some months, or you are engaged, this is still possible.

But, believe me, the sooner you let it go, the better it is for you. Of course, there are even some exceptions, but, it is better not to hope that you will be an exception because you are losing your time and time is precious and never comes back. At the end of the day, you will look that and see that it didn't deserve the time. I know that my words might sound harsh and maybe even cruel, but that is reality.

If you let it go, it is a win-win situation. If s/he doesn't come back, you will still be happy with someone else out there or even by yourself. If s/he comes back and you are single then, you can try again if you still have faith. I know that the most difficult part is also to let go because you cannot imagine yourself with someone else and you find this so unfair. And yes it is unfair. But life is unfair anyway. You are afraid that you will let it go and s/he might return. Even if that is the case, you will still be happy!

When I really decided to let it go, things became easier for me. Even now that we are speaking once in a while, I am happy because I know he is doing fine, but I really cannot see us again together. I am sorry if I cannot guarantee you that someone will return or give a happy ending advice, but be realists is what counts at the end of the day.

I am wishing you the best. Thanks everyone who comforted me and helped me this year. It was a great help. Special thanks to KayC, Helena, Plum, Guilthunted and DLM that heard me and gave me their advice.

[kayc]

Hi, so good to hear from you again! You've analyzed it very well, and of course we all had plenty of time for analysis. It didn't make sense back then, still doesn't but it is what it is. Jim and I are still friends, we talk almost every day, see each other about once or twice a year, but that's it, I decided to protect myself after a few months of hoping and I know I am better off. It's him, not me.

[Pollara]

Hey guys! I just pass to say hi to everyone and especially to KayC!

Still here, still helping!

My situation nowadays is that I found a job in the other country and I decided to stay! I am currently dating a guy but it is not something serious from both sides. But we are getting along fine and that is what it matters.

As for my ex, we are still in touch and I actually met him in person during my Christmas Holidays. The summer he sent me a text says that he missed me. Luckily I didn't take it seriously, since when I saw him, when we were all together he was looking perfectly fine and treated me like we are good friends and nothing happened between us in the past, but at the same time, he suggested to go out just the two of us to catch up on each other news, but never actually made a move. Depresion still holds well.

[kayc]

Pollara,

You're best off w/o getting it all stirred up again, and I'm glad you've found someone you can enjoy, even if not serious. Sometimes we need that to give us time for healing. I'm glad you got a job! I wish you luck with it, and hope you enjoy it and they appreciate you immensely!