Merry Christmas Baby

[Bebekat]

I thought it might help me get through this holiday if I could write a little something down. So, I wrote a Christmas letter to Tom and I wanted to share it with you.

Merry Christmas Baby,

It is with a heavy heart I go through the motions of the Holidays. How do I begin to express my feelings about the first Christmas we will spend apart in 27 years? My heart aches for you so much.

Remember how you were always the one not in the spirit at first. With your own family so far away, you always were melancholy for a couple of weeks after Thanksgiving. We never made it back East for the holidays, even though we always intended to.

Then, one day you would come home and ask, “Aren’t you going to do Christmas this year?” Of course, I was just waiting for that signal to “go”. You would pull out all the decorations and lights, and before I knew it you were on a roll.

Remember how we would stay up one night and bake cookies. Of course, you were Supervisor in Charge of Decorating the Cut-out Cookies. You and the boys would have a blast seeing who could be the most exotic decorator.

Remember the tree and how it just wasn’t done until “Jack Frost” was in the perfect spot. Remember how the Angel and Star had to be on top.

Remember all the late Christmas Eve’s we would be up all night putting toys together. I think you had as much fun as the kids had playing with them.

Remember how on Christmas morning, we’d put those silly antlers or Santa hat on the dogs. Remember how you would always leave one present unopened until Christmas night. That drove me nuts!! I think that’s why you did it.

Well, this Christmas is different. I can’t bring myself to play the old Christmas CDs. Decorations, tree, lights, baking.... none of this would have gotten done if it hadn’t been for the boys. You would be....I know you are so proud of them. They have become wonderful young men. I know they must be hurting too, but they don’t say much about it.

I know things weren’t always perfect. What marriage is? We passed all the tests and the final one just made our love stronger. You are truly my “Love Story”. No one else will measure up or ever be good enough. I know you are out there. I know we will be together again.

Until then,

Always your Bebekat

[Dusky]

Bebekat,

I just read your letter to Tom. You did a beautiful job expressing all the wonderful holiday times the two of you shared. I do this type of thing all the time – Since Jack’s death I have written 10 letters to him – we to were together 27 years – just like you and Tom.

Writings such as your letter to Tom are so important – they let you put down on paper – something tangible – what your feeling – what he meant to you – what he means to you. It is such a wonderful way to help you heal. I bet your Tom was a wonderful man – I can “see” in the picture you have painted and your holiday traditions the wonderful life you had.

I can see Tom sending you his love for all that you expressed in your Letter to him. He may have died – but love never ends.

All my best to you - this holiday season.

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack